Best Quote to Describe Me

"You want someone to be in your life so bad, but you're so used to being alone, so when someone has become a constant in your life, you push them away."

One sentence summarises me. 

Step Dave

I was watching Criminal Minds when I got bored of continuously watching only crime drama. I have always wanted to listen how New Zealand accent sounds so I googled for New Zealand TV series, and wikipedia gave me a long list which I was reluctant of checking one by one, so I simply tried out the first series available on the list.

It was Step Dave. It was a family-centred drama featuring a 24-year-old who fell in love with a 39-year-old mother of three. That age gap is intriguing and something I do not think American or British drama have tried exploring. This kind of story line is rather common for Asian dramas though.

I tried watching the first episode, and immediately fell in love with it. It's awesome! The story line is great, the New Zealand accent is enchanting (easier for me to catch if compared to Australian accent), and the characters are endearing and interesting! Watching how these two lovely couples gonna survive the troubles they have to go through to get acceptance and pull through from societal stigma is going to be very interesting.

New show for this semester break!

蒙面歌王 King of Masked Singer

I chanced upon this singing competition few months ago and I immediately fell in love with it.

I have long abandoned Chinese entertainment industry and thus have no knowledge of any quality, new or famous Chinese singers in the market now.

Maybe I know some from Taiwan, but I definitely do not know a single one from China because they appear to not exhibit interest to market their albums in Malaysia. After all, selling their albums in China alone is more than sufficient to garner incomes to feed generations.

So imagine my excitement when I watch so many quality masked singers singing on stage, and have absolutely no idea at all who they could possibly be.

One of them, 野草 (wild grass), is my favourite. She is definitely the best singer among all of them, and she is now my newest idol.

Not to discredit other singers or say they are inferior, but 野草, who is actually 谭维维, is obviously the best, and one who captivates the audience the most.

Here are some of my favourite songs of hers:



She combined two songs into one.



Try listening to the original version. She modified the song and she covered it very well.

And damn those through this video you can actually tell this lady has what it takes to be world famous!



If you are wondering whether she could sing without trying to "show off", well, this video tells you she could.

She has other great songs as well. 三十岁的女人 (30-year-old woman) is nice. She sang it well, and it was the first song I heard from her that actually made me like her. She covered 映山红 very nice too. Not many singers can make me like all of his/her work whatever he/she sings.

Among other songs I like from the show:



By 黑天鹅， whose real name is 丁当， a Taiwanese singer.



By 追着光阴奔跑的罗拉，who is actually Gigi Leung from Hong Kong (梁咏琪).

Her previous two performance were weak comparatively to other singers, so I admitted I wasn't looking forward to her singing. But this song blew my mind away.

I was wrong. This lady could sing too. And boy, she is a great artist too. I was really, really wrong and terribly misjudged her.



The youngest artist in this whole competition I believe, but one of the best.

It's 张玮, a singer from China.

Religion

Officially, I am a Buddhist. Unofficially, and in real life, I profess no religion.

And I am not a person that could profess one easily. So forget about trying to cajole me into Islam, or trying to proselytise me in a Church.

Why do I choose not to profess a religion?

First of all, let me clarify something: I am not an atheist. I am simply a free thinker.

I believe in the existence of God, but I prefer not to choose a God to be dedicated to.

There are so many religions out there. How do you know which God brought you to Earth?

How do you know which God is the one who created Earth and created living beings?

I do not know. So unless I have a clear knowledge of which did it, I decide to take no side and stay neutral so that every God gets equal credit.

Okay. This may be a lame excuse.

Main one is this.

As mentioned, I believe in the existence of God. I acknowledge that I am His creation.

Most people pray to their God to receive guidance. They ask for His help to seek for direction, and to be bestowed strength to persevere in daily struggles.

I don't.

I believe when He brought me to this world, He has created me in a way that I could weather any storm that He intends to lash on me.

I do not need to seek for his help, for my destiny has been carved and I need no more guidance.

I believe that when He wants to help, He would help, and I would receive His guidance.

I believe that my life is a test He gives me.

He is watching how I go through my daily lives, so that He knows what He could do to me when I expire and go back to His side.

If you fear that I would one day forget that He exists, don't worry, I have always treated my presence in this world as the acknowledgement of His existence, for I am His creation.

If you fear I would lose my direction should I continue to refuse guidance, don't worry, God is the answer for everything. Pastors, monks or fathers are humans. I prefer direct contact, so that no communication is severed or misdirected.

I believe He exists. But I do not want to identify who He is.

He will let me know who He is if He wants.

But if He refuses to, I will live my life as a responsible human being, and I will know who He is once I am laid to rest for good, when He needs my service.

So no, I do not profess a religion. I don't need a religion to know how to be a human, nor do I need a religion to understand my responsibility to myself, to my fellow friends, to mother Earth, and to Him.

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas guys!! May everyone around us continues to prosper, and may your wishes come true!!

Questions To Answer

My friends in university always ask me the same question: What type of girls do you like? Have you not found one you have affection to?

Okay, let me begin by saying something. I have to admit that by choosing to go to Swinburne, I may have landed myself in a totally different world from which I am rightly belong to. I come from a very conservation family, one which tradition is strictly adhered to and breaking one is met with criticism. I have a father who is probably the most antisocial guy you could come across in this universe, and he is a person who not only refuses to accept changes in his routine of many years (since I was born), he is someone who even refuses to even consider having changes, let alone initiating one.

So when I have a different haircut for the first time in my life by ditching my old bald hairstyle and cutting a hairstyle which is no longer round and flat, my father received it with dismay. He could not accept changes, whether it is about him or me. I again come from a family background where social life is rigidly textbook-based. Treating people have to follow textbook. Things are done as in textbook, because my family have very little social contact, or closes themselves in a place where they have no reaching to people of other backgrounds.

I understand this since I was young, and I vow to pull myself out from this deeply rooted family and allow myself to be exposed to whatever world there is, because like it or not, this world is not only about you. You cannot close yourself in a box and refuses to see what's outside, because you don't owe the world. You come to this world, you make your presence noticeable and from that time onward, your life is already entangled with others.

People in Swinburne are mostly rich. I come from a family that was once very poor. And because my parents were very, very poor, I understand why they were treating me this way, and I respect that. But because my parents controlled me too strictly, to the point even now I fear talking something different to them for fear of being criticised, I grew up as a fiercely independent boy.

I am a ferociously independent guy who very rarely relies on my friends. I admit that I very seldom ask for my friends' favour whenever I stumble upon obstacles. I very rarely allow a companion's absence to prohibit me from doing something I wish to do. And because this is how I grew up, I learn to do things in the absence of any companion. And because of this, I don't crave for a partner yet, for now.

This is why I still have no girlfriend.

And because my parents raise me up strictly, and instill me with good discipline and gave me strict upbringing, I have high requirements for the girlfriend I want. The girl I want need not be beautiful or slim (though admittedly, as a boy....hmm), but she must have good characters. A girl that is good at spending money on unnecessary stuffs are out of my list - sadly, my definition of "unnecessary stuff" is extremely, preposterously strict as well - and a girl who lacks independence and maturity are also not my cup of tea. I want a girlfriend who has the independence to think for herself, and someone who has decided that in one's life there needs to be a purpose. I want a girlfriend who knows what she wants for her life, I want a girlfriend who has a goal in her future to achieve, and I want a girlfriend to be my companion and my soulmate, and not become someone who I have to feed. In my opinion, a girl who needs a guy to pay for her meal and buy her stuff is, as stated, a girl. I want a woman, who is mentally sound and physically perfect, is capable of taking care of herself, but needs someone to perfect her life.

And these are my answers to the questions that have been thrown to me throughout the semester.

This type of girl is rare, perhaps already extinct, but I would patiently wait for her to come into my life. I believe it is worth the wait.

Incredibly Busy

My final exam is coming in one week, and yet I have four assignments I need to submit next week.

I'll be very, very, incredibly busy for these coming weeks so pardon me if I don't update much.

That's because there's nothing interesting going on in my life so far: I am simply studying, getting busy, and dying slowly inside.

Luckily, and perhaps the great news, I'm not dying alone. I've got lots of friends who are on board a sinking ship with me.

Will be back in.....one month? Haha

Stay Strong, Paris

I wake up and was flabbergasted to learn that Paris was again under siege. Worst part is, it was a coordinated attack, where 7 places were attacked simultaneously, resulting in 200+ people dead.

I am deeply saddened and disgusted by the acts of the terrorists. I cannot do much as an ordinary people who live so far away, the least I can do is to pray for the locals to stay strong and united in the face of terror.

Stay strong, Paris. Tell them that violence will not halt us to live, and neither would it force us to submit to terror obedience.

Year Two, Semester One

How's my second year first semester going, you might ask? Okay, here's a summary:

COMPUTER AIDED ENGINEERING (CIVIL)

This unit is split into two: one which focuses on AutoCAD, and another which focuses on computer applications. AutoCAD so far is simple. We have to draw architectural drawing by arranging shop houses, living houses and car parks and roundabouts in a drawing plan. Quite simple but consume lots of time. Civil3D to begin soon.

Computer applications began with Spacegass, a computer programme that greatly simplifies all structural analysis. Best computer programme so far, eases our lives in university so much by allowing us to verify our hand calculated answers. Microsoft Excel comes next. I don't like Excel much but I must admit it's quite fun. Interesting unit so far.


SUSTAINABLE DESIGN

As stipulated in the name of the unit, anything in this unit has the theme of "sustainable". Swinburne is taking EWB project as a project for us. Quite annoying actually, because I hate doing research and I certainly do not like digging out information from internet when I do not know what is there to dig. Has a strict lecturer who has high expectations from students. Tutorials are downright annoying and Reflective Journals are boring.


FLUID MECHANICS

Has a foreign lecturer whose accents none of us can truly catch. Fluid subject itself is confusing and quite difficult to fathom but so far so good. Perhaps it's because I didn't have time to really study it to understand it. Why, you might ask? Here comes the last subject


DESIGN OF CONCRETE STRUCTURES

I must say I think it's a bit unfair to ask a second year student to take such a technical subject. In this unit basically we learn about concretes, and the calculations needed when solving a structure. Flexibility method is easy but extremely annoying. Moment Distribution Method by Hardy Cross simply makes everybody's lives a living nightmare. To solve statically indeterminate structures is just a pain in the a*s.

This unit contains a big project: we are required to analyse a bridge. Basically, we have to analyse the slabs, girders and piers by finding all the reactions, shear force diagram, bending moment diagram and their deflections. We have a lecturer who greatly overestimates her students' intelligence by teaching only one example (and a very simple one) for every theory and expect them to solve questions that are beyond what computer can accurately analyse. This is why engineering students have no lives.

It's late. I'm off to sleep. Tired day.

Change of Hairstyle

I've been incredibly busy these few days and I will only get much busier until my semester ends, so I've got nothing much to update and even if I have, they would be dull, as they would most likely centre on my studies.

Anyway, 18/10/2015 is the day I finally abandon "botak" permanently. I have now, at the help of my friend, changed a hairstyle, and I've begun to use hair gel.

Let's see how things turn out. Sometimes, we need some changes in our lives to make our life interesting.

Girlfriend?

Friends keep asking me what type of girl I like. Truth to be told, most of my friends I have in university already have a girlfriend, that makes me the odd one out as I remain single till date.

What type of girl I like? There's no particular one.

To understand why I have not got a girlfriend is complicated. It goes very deep into my personal life.

I come from a family background so broken and so hard I refuse to further elaborate on it. I grow up taking care my mum by forcing myself to be mature, and standing up for her against aggression and oppression she faced.

Not to say my dad is a bad guy. He doesn't abuse us, at least physically. He's just the kind of guy you cannot mix along very well, and thus his presence gave too much hurt. He loves me, he loves my mother and my family, but the way he does it, exacerbated by his own personality, it does much more harm to us than good.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. My dad is a victim of his own personality, but he is too aged to change. So my dad and mum, they have their troubles that sort of affected me.

Growing up taking care of a repeatedly and deeply injured mum, after so many years, just wear me out.

Emotionally, I am drained, I am beat. I can no longer have the desire to further protect another person.

I have no strength to try to love. Nor do I have any more strength to find someone else to care.

Emotionally, I am dead beat. 

I want a girlfriend like every boy does, but I have no ability to get one.

After so many years of protecting someone I love, I think I deserve to be taken care of, instead of taking care again.

I'll wait patiently for any girls who understand my predicament, and who is willing to take care of me.

But this is a preposterous requirement. So....

No. I won't go around looking for a girl. I'll just get along, and if I have feelings, I'll act. If I don't, I'll wait.

I'm just too emotionally tired, to initiate another relationship that will be filled with dramas.

Hurt

If there's anything you need to know about me, it's that I might be hurt, but I cannot feel hurt.

I grow up being hurt by a parent. Consequently I stand up and care for my another parent. It's there one thing I know from my family background, it's that I am incapable of feeling hurt. In fact, I'm incapable of love. Romantic or family. I'm incapable of expressing like.

Do not worry if you've hurt me. I may be hit hard and get emotional for a while, but my family taught me to be resilient. And I recover every time.

Hectic Life Begins Again

I've been very busy these few days and thus do not have the luxury of time nor the mood to update anything.

Studying keeps me occupied most of the time, with assignments beginning to pile up faster than I could complete them.

Haze in Sarawak is getting bad and is expected to be worse in a matter of days.

Food in Kuching tastes better than it used to be, although I must say it is still no way close to Penang food. Sorry.

I've got friends I can get along much better due to less cultural barrier. Mingling with people who share interest and overlapping personality is just much better.

Not to say my other friends are bad. They just lack something I could fit in.

Other than that, I've got nothing exciting to update anymore. Will update once I have free time.

Homo Sapiens

I'm observant. I like to observe every thing that goes on around me the moment I am bored. I like to look at what people do while waiting for their food to be served, I observe the frustration the waiters experienced the moment they mess up their orders, I observe the confusion on the chefs' visages when they realise they could not remember who their customer is to serve their food. I do it on a daily basis, or whenever there is an opportunity, and one day I just happen to see a rather healthy stray dog wandering in the food court. Its immediate presence strikes a huge juxtaposition as it, being an animal surrounded by an unlike species, appears to exhibit no fear of being foreign. Then it got me thinking - and I don't know how this came - how humans are different from animals?

Seriously, sometimes we should spend some time sit down and ponder carefully. Try to compare ourselves with any known living organisms that aren't categorised as homo sapiens. Just do some simple thinking. Look at what animals have. Canines have strong muscles and flexibility that allow them to leap and sprint as fast as a running car. Birds have wings that allow them to ascend to the air and take an aerial view while making minimal land movement on legs. Fish can survive in water without legs and of course they have completely different bodily structures from humans. And then we have thousands of thousands types of insects out there to document, and it is believed there are still thousands yet unfounded and undocumented.

Besides them, let's start to compare humans and animals. Seriously, after doing some serious work on this work, you'll realise how cowardly and useless humans are.

Humans are just a living being that could manage to walk the Earth and conquer every corner of this dying planet because humans have a brain. That's all. It's the complex and still enigmatic human brain that is the cause of every thing, and sadly it is foreseen it will also be the end of every thing. Let's look at the biological characteristics of humans. Humans do not have the agility of a cat, nor do humans have the muscle strength like that of a tiger. If humans are thrown into the wild unarmed and unprotected, any mammals out there are most likely capable of pounding on any living humans and tear them into pieces. Any humans who set foot on Australia would most likely be annihilated or probably even wiped out by kangaroos who obviously could fight much better than humans or exert greater damage.

Human has skins that are so sensitive, it tolerates only very little pressure. Unlike insects, or monkeys, for instance, humans cannot crawl on a prickly tree without probably damaging their whole skin. Unlike leopards or kangaroos, humans cannot walk in the wild with bare foot without stepping on some fine sands or tiny stones that will punch a hole into out feet. Then, humans are also very temperature sensitive. Worse, humans cannot adapt to temperature changes. Yet, humans are not equipped with the endurance to migrate, nor are humans built with the mechanism to hibernate. When the weather turns hot, humans could die of dehydration and yet humans cannot survive under water. When it turns cold, humans have got to hide into somewhere where heat could be retained and yet humans have to fight those places with other animals like bears. Human skin is also not tolerant to extreme temperatures, making humans unable to walk on grounds that are hot as in dessert, unlike camels, nor can humans walk on ice, like penguins.

Going further, look at humans. As far as I can recall, humans are the only living organisms who could not ingest uncooked food. Any insertion of food into our body has got to be processed, heated, and cleaned so thoroughly it has to be almost 99% certain no microorganisms of any sorts could be present in our food. Have you seen animals that cook their food? No. Tigers hunt and rip their food apart and eat them while it literally is fresh. Humans don't. It then beggars a question: why can't humans eat uncooked food? Simple, it got me to think it is probably because humans have the weakest immune systems among all living organisms. Drink unprocessed water like animals do, you would probably go down with cholera and die of dehydration. Eat uncooked food, you could probably grow a  tapeworm, and you die of malnutrition. Humans may be resilient but they certainly are weak.

There are many more comparisons to make. Humans can't fly nor swim, so it reduces humans to only ground transport. Humans do not emit ultrasonic like bats to navigate, nor do humans have defence mechanisms that protect ourselves from our prays. Humans come to this world equipped with nothing except a brain. Should humans do not a brain this advanced and only contain one like any animals, humans would be the fastest living organisms to be extinct due to its vulnerability. None of its physical and biological characteristics put them a predator.

And yet, humans have a brain. Our tiny brain, the mysterious brain, compensates every flaws we are born with. We cannot run and overpower animals, so we invent weapons. We cannot walk bare foot so to prevent our skin from damaged, we invent shoes, clothes and trousers to act as a layer of protection. We cannot tolerate extreme temperatures, so we invent air-conditioner, and we selfishly hunt animals for the skin that are supposed to protect their own. We cannot process raw food, so we found fire, and invent various methods to cook them. We cannot fly nor swim, so we invent aeroplanes and boats. Human brains, the tiny little watery substance that is so strong and yet so weak, are what bringing the world to what it is today.

Human brains are designed to compensate our flaws, and I believe it should only do so, and yet humans have long gone overboard. We have an insatiable appetite that never makes us satisfied with our current condition. Weapons should be used exclusively for food, but humans abuse it to kill people who are disagreeable. Clothes should be worn only to protect ourselves from external shock, but we are picky on how presentable it should be and thus we hunt for animal skins. Coolants and heaters are meant to keep us survive, yet in the process of doing so we destroy the environment that we are supposed to protect. Boats and aeroplanes are meant to transport us but in doing so we destroy our food source.

And yet because humans are so weak, humans display extreme fear to any foreign living organisms not known and that pose obvious threat. We are so afraid of bacteria, that if it exerts serious damage, we kill all of its host that could spread it to humans. If our food like tomatoes are attacked by bacteria, we are so afraid how the bacteria in it could damage us, we destroy all tomatoes and thus destroy the food source of all animals that rely on it for food and yet have the immune system that kills the bacteria.

So the fault of every damage our Earth has experienced could easily be traced. It goes back to our brain. Before humans exist, Earth was green. Earth was a beautiful place where all animals wander around. When humans come, they do only damage, and look at the state of our planet. Is there anything left that is authentic, that is not man-made and could reproduce itself naturally? No. Humans, with the tiny brain, have taken over the planet. We have conquered the planet and made crystal clear that anyone who poses threat to our kingdom is not welcomed and will be harshly treated and eradicated.

So is human indeed the greatest living organisms ever created by God, or are we just tiny coward creatures that are so greedy we refuse to allow other organisms to rule our Earth or worse, we wouldn't even tolerate their existence? Humans have lots of reflection to do, because ultimately humans will be obliterated by our own actions, but our mother Earth will keep on rotating without us.

Sehati, Sejiwa

This year, our government take the unprecedented move by saying that instead of numbering the year of Independence we have achieved, we would this year ditch that and hold only a slogan: Sehati, Sejiwa, loosely translated to "one heart, one soul", apparently attempting to signify that Malaysian races are not divided and are together at all times.

This year Merdeka is different. It is greeted by Bersih 4.0, a rally which demand clean electoral, absence of corruption and effort to be taken to curb it, greater democratic rights, for examples. Our home minister idiotically called it an illegal rally, desperately banned the official shirt for the event, and blocked websites supporting it. The more measures he took, the angrier people became, and thus the more successful the rally became.

While it's true Bersih 4.0 does not aim to topple the government, it is simply a happy coincidence that everything Bersih demands happens to be the lacking of our ruling government. In simpler term, we are indirectly asking our government to go away, as it is in sight not possible for them to correct their wrongs.

Since it is Merdeka today, I think I'm gonna openly express my love for my country here, now. I love Malaysia, and seizing this opportunity I wish to say I consequently support Bersih, for one simple reason: for a country that prides itself as a multiracial nation, it is paradoxical and hypocritical to have political parties that are race-based. BN has long outlived its relevance. Its inherit tendency to divide and conquer by politicising race and religion is no longer welcome. And because I love Malaysia, for Malaysia's future, together with yellow-shirted high spirited people, I support Bersih.

Happy Independence Day, Malaysia. I love my country, and it's why I demand our current government to go away.

Merdeka!

New Hostel

I've reached Kuching for the next semester, sadly. Weather in Kuching was bad. Few minutes before the plane touched down, I looked out the window and realised the city was enveloped in what I thought was mist as it appeared misty white. I never thought it was haze as haze usually radiated vain yellow colour. It's too bad it's haze, it means it's hot, and the air quality is bad.

My new hostel is at Tabuan Jaya, above a shop. The room is smaller than my previous hostel, the weirdest thing is my room, which is already small, has a partition. The table was initially placed in the enclosed side where there's only an electrical plug - no window, no fan, no nothing. I thought I would die.

But I moved it to the the other side, placed it beside my bed.

The kitchen is a mess but I don't care anyway - I don't use it. The great thing about this hostel is that two people share a bathroom, so yes it's a joy. Newspapers store is just right below my hostel and there are supermarkets and food courts in my area. This is the plus side.

The down side would be travel restrictions as I have to adhere to the bus schedule provided or else I would not be able to go to Swinburne.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit down, will update later.

Chris Carter: An Evil Mind

I'm a big fan of his book. Ever since I got my hands on The Executioner years ago, I am addicted and keep buying all his books. The sixth book, An Evil Mind, was only recently released (in paperback) and I immediately bought it before it sold off. Seriously, it sold off fast. The sixth book differs immensely from his previous work as this book centres on the story telling of a killer, instead of unravelling mysterious work of a killer and its eventual capture. The killer in An Evil Mind is so far the brightest, but not the sickest. The suspense of the book lacks power, and the twists are no longer shocking. This book lacks what Chris Carter has always managed to offer. Nonetheless the book is still good. Of all six books Chris Carter has published, this is the weakest of all, but I would still say it is way above the average crime novels you can find in the bookstore. Even better than Patricia Cornwell, John Grisham or even Jeffrey Deaver.

蒙面歌王： 野草 - 《白桦林》

I must share this.

It just so happened I was boring and I was switching the television channels very randomly and chanced on this singing competition that is being held in China. It features masked singers, who are all professional singers, singing and giving their best performance to be triumphed as the "king singer" of that night.

This lady masked singer blew my mind with her song. This is authentic music. There is no electronic and artificial instruments to alter her voice. It is genuine, pure, profound sound and sparkling singing quality. This is mind blowing, and something that is rare now.

She lost the crown that night, which I find ridiculous because she is obviously much better than others. On the bright side, I get to watch her perform in the next episode! Maybe that's why people keep her and don't want her to win - they get to see her again!

Just listen to it. It will tickle all your nerves in your body.

Avicii - Waiting For Love (Lyric Video)

A rather touching music video, depicting a dog who has lost his owner and decided to search for his owner through thick and thin. And, as the title of the song may have hinted, the dog did find his owner.

马来西亚华人

偶尔地就用华文写一些东西吧。

我嫌没事做就去网上google“马来西亚华人”，结果发现到原来中国人还真的完全不了解马来西亚华人的处境。

首先我想对大陆人（虽说我知道他们根本不可能看得到因为blogger已被中国禁止）和台湾人说：请你们别叫我们马来人。我们是马来西亚华人，或大马华人。马来人是马来西亚里的一个种族，不是马来西亚人的简称。

马来西亚华文教育我想可以说是中国以外最棒的一个。我敢说马来西亚华文教育水准远远超过新加坡能提供的。很多小孩子在幼儿园就已经开始学习一些比较简单的字，上了小学开始学习阅读短篇文章，写短片作文。到了中学我们必须开始学文言文，到了高中我们采用的都是中国文章，读的都是古诗古文，学的都是名句名言。

所以马来西亚华人能够说个流利的中文，就是因为我们有个完善的华文教育。

马来西亚华文教育没有台湾和中国高，甚至还差得远呢，可是我们还是能说出一口流利的华语，写个像样的文章。毕竟我们高中的中文考试是被中国承认的。

接下来我要说别的，这是针对一些极端的马来西亚华人说的。


有时候我想说，马来西亚华人也拜托你们别太过分。别仗着能写中文的能力到中国网站发牢骚，抱怨马来西亚的政治问题要求中国人了解我们受到歧视之类的。

马来西亚华人并非华侨。我们有自己的政治，我们有自己的文化。我们国家政治的确是非常烂，可是别到外国网站投诉。第一，中国人不能做什么；第二，外国人管个屁? 各国有各做的政治问题。中国，韩国和日本的关系已经很紧绷，北韩和南韩还在冷战，台湾和中国大陆的关系也不是很理想，中国和香港更不用说。谁有时间睬你？自己国家的问题已处理不了，干嘛管外国人的事。别到外国网站丢人现眼。

最后我想对那些极端的马来西亚华人说：马来西亚华人要不要学习中文， 由不得你管。我个人和你一样希望马来西亚人能保留自己的根，提倡自己的文化，捍卫我们的语言。可是我们不是神，我们又不是全部马来西亚华文的爸妈，何必批评他们不要学习中文的人？他们不要学，那是他们的选择。你可以瞥视他们，你可以不喜欢他们，但是你没有资格和权力批评别人。人家的生活由不得你管。

Side note:
Being a Chinese in Malaysia is a blessing. Everything is a blessing and a curse as yin and yang has to be balanced, but don't be too upset of what situation you're in. Everybody in every country has something they despise, and just because other people's lives look better doesn't mean their life is good. It simply means you are tired of your current life and you crave for a change and it so happens the other people's life you witness look inviting as it is vastly different and you cannot see a tiny speck of your current mess in their's. Yes, you may give it a try and change a lifestyle by migrating, it's your choice, but don't lament too much about your current one. Your life now may be unpleasant, but don't you think it is only an insult to yourself if you deem that you cannot survive in this environment, when your parents have lived so long and yet still survived unscathed?

Emotionally Scarred

For the whole of my life, I have noticed I have distinctly different personality and character from my peers. I do not indulge in playing computer games, I show little understanding about and appreciation to technologies and I am relatively nerdy. I will put the blame on my parents, who, despite doted me with love, raised me up in an environment I find uncomfortably oppressive.

People say that one's actions do not reflect his true personality because often the way one acts is an attempt to conceal its personality by attempting to mask the void. The happier a person appears, the more injured a person's soul is. But I am different. I do not appear to be happy often, and I often sank so low before conclude I am emo-ing, which ain't entirely wrong.

Throughout my life, when I watch television drama, I have noticed I am drawn towards fictitious characters that often have deep secrets they refuse to share and have emotional scars they endeavour to hide. I am extremely sentimental and am sensitive to the slightest emotional provocation. I cry - inwardly, not showing my tears - if a character that is deeply loved in the movie dies, especially in a sacrifice. I could oddly relate the pain of losing someone, and understand the frustrations the characters felt when they try to talk to their partners but are repeatedly rejected by their loved ones.

Years of living on this planet and I started to think perhaps I should wonder why I behave why I behave. I should find out the reasons why I felt the relation, and I did. After years of deliberation, the conclusion is that, I am a severely injured guy.

I have talked about my family very much and I refuse to further discuss it. I am in a position not many people will be and I admit I am injured.

I fear love, and I don't mean romantic love, just brotherly, friendly love. I don't open up myself and I often lock myself in a virtual world by fantasising how I would be should I be in another person's shoes. I lock myself in a robust and unbreakable gaol and then I threw the key away as far as possible so that it is absolutely unreachable, and I am waiting for the day someone - not necessarily a partner, and I actually hope is a close friend - will break the gaol and free me.

Wishful thinking, I say. Because my parents couldn't and I doubt anyone else can.

The thing is, because of the situation in my family, I am on the verge of explosion. What happens in my life prompts me to not speak up to avoid confrontation - it often ends ugly - and my life experience tells me that prolonged accumulation of hard feelings will ultimately lead to ugly massive explosion that leads me to crying and momentarily mentally paralysed. I have experienced it thrice, and I really hate to experience it again.

I do not wish to hide my feelings anymore but then I do not think my friends around me would be mature enough to understand my situation as my situation is a serious case. I don't think ordinary people would be able to relate to me and would understand my predicament, or understand the magnitude of the seriousness of my suffering. I don't suffer physically, but emotionally, I am drained, and I don't know how long I could persevere.

I have been trying hard to change my way of seeing the situation, but it so far hasn't worked.

It is a hereditary family problem, I guess. My grandparents suffered much worse from the same problem, to say the truth I believe mine is much better than my grandparents'. I hope I don't carry it to next generation. I hope if I have a wife and have kids in the future (I dare not even imagine having one lest it happens to them too), they don't have to suffer like me and my grandparents' do.

It's a painful life to live. Sometimes I think this life is not worth living.

Cowardly

I'm actually a coward. I fear loneliness, but then I resist commitment. I have no desire to commit in a friendship that I build, but then I fear being ignored or feel unappreciated.

That's why I am coward. I like to express myself, but then I fear being brushed off or laughed at.

It's quite bad to be sentimental in a world where people's soul have been largely stashed away in giving space for technology immersion.

I don't know what I actually should do. I embrace my own problems, and I express myself when I need to.

To say the truth I don't even know what I want to type. I guess I just wanna express something.

Political Crisis

In recent times, Malaysians have observed some political turmoils that have severely paralysed the ruling coalition and partially fractured the ruling party. It all begins with the controversial 1MDB that has collected a significant amount of debt with a huge portion of money went unaccounted for. It arose suspicions in several political leaders and ex Prime Minister Dr. Mahathir. The controversy went aflame when Sarawak Report and an international respected newspaper, The Wall Street Journal, reported than some billions of money were mysteriously transferred into Najib's account in a very discreet way.

Najib has so far not denied receiving the money. He simply pledged that he would not use those money for personal gain. A reasonable minded person who has a decent literary qualification could easily tell that denying using the money for personal gains do not indicate or in other way eliminate the truth that he does receive the money. He might not use it for personal gain, true, but he might siphon them off for his wife or his children. Who knows? He's beating around the bush, instead of firing down all attacks.

Almost one month is gone, and yet Najib still refuses to initiate legal proceedings to WSJ which he vehemently claimed is in cathoot with the Opposition to slander him. The truth is, if you wish to clear your name, the best thing to do, naturally, is to file a legal suit. And yet he has not done that. What has he done? He removes people who disagree with him, including his long time partner Muhyiddin, simply because they could not go in agreement with him.

Media that exposes the allegation, which he so far denies but shows no proof that they are bogus, are attacked and shut down. The Edge which made 1MDB its theme has been slapped with a three month suspension with reasons people find mind-boggling. Apparently no one is able to fathom how our ministers' brain work because their reasoning makes no sense and is downright preposterous. Sarawak Report website has been blocked in Malaysia on grounds that it may threaten national security as its reports are unverified, controversial and likely to upset societal harmony.

In that case, what about Utusan Malaysia? Utusan has continuously libelled any races that is not Malay, with Chinese frequently taking the biggest blow. No one could forget its brazen front page "Apa lagi Cina mahu?" after GE13, and its insulting Ultraman cartoon when Japanese was hit by the deadly earthquake that caused a nuclear meltdown. How many times have Utusan been sued, and how many trials have they lost? Its columnist, Awang Selamat, frequently publishes columns that only raise eyebrows instead of giving inspirations. How can a newspaper like this be allowed to publish, but one which speaks for the people get suspended?

Anyone who is in disagreement with Najib naturally got cast away, and he unashamedly reshuffle the Cabinet by replacing Minister who openly criticise him and replacing the places with people who vociferously stand by him. This is Najib's problem - he thinks he rules the country, and he thinks he could control the people working under him. While it is true, he fails to remember one thing - he is elected by the people. And the people now are dissatisfied with him, incandescent with rage over his leadership especially when the economy is now fragile, with our ringgit the worst performing currency in Southeast Asia, dropping to almost a 17 year low with US dollars.

Najib may play with our politics all he wants. From my point of view, instead of criticising his action, we should also analyse why he does what he does: it's simple - he knows he is losing control, he knows he will soon lose everything he knows hold power over and he knows his followers are beginning to wake up and realise he has been betraying the country when he in fact was entrusted to rule it. The people no longer trust him. The people are angry. And when you know your position is beginning to go, you got desperate, you resort to stupid measures and you begin to make hasty and bold decisions that will not sit well with majority of people but you still do it because you are busy keeping your a*s on your seat. He knows he is timed, he knows he won't last.

GE14 will be interesting, but at the same time we will observe tight and fierce competition, with much more dirty tactics and frauds to watch out for. For the two years before that, expect abuse of power, expect wide clampdown on social media which do not side with it or in favour of the Opposition, and expect more chaos. A desperate political parties will do whatever that is necessary for its selfish gain - and whatever including the unimaginable, and expect them to tool with religion and race, because these two are the biggest weapons that could cause immediate obedience, as the consequences of politicising these two are earth shattering.

Supernatural

I am finally starting to watch Supernatural again after stopping it at season 7. I have just finished season 8 and started to watch season 9. Supernatural is by far the most intriguing, most breathtaking series and the only one I truly follow since the first episode. Season 1 is a bit dull but it is the most original. After all, it's the start. Season 1 is simple, but with its storyline and plot it really ain't sustainable as there is no character development. Season 2 gets better and the best starts Season 4 when angels are introduced, with season 5 the best. The most climatic and captivating season ever in the Supernatural series. Season 6 is bad, as far as I can recall, and season 7 got better. Season 8 is also not bad, though a bit poor. Actually every seasons after the fall of Lucifer back to his cage, the series got poor. But season 9 so far, OMG. I have just watched the fifth episode and oh God please just axe this show. The first three episodes were nice, but the fourth episode is about a witch from the Oz and that was downright ridiculous. The fifth episode is about Dean casting a spell to allow himself to speak with a dog and it backfires. This is a deviant storyline, and it sucks. Please go back to cursed objects or poltergeist. This fantasies, fairy tales and any Dr. Doolittle stuffs need to be put away. Please I love this series, don't spoil it!

Ju-On 4: The Final

Being not directed by the creator who made this film a blockbuster success ultimately made this film a little sad to watch. This film continues where the previous film ends, and is meant to be the final film for the series, although I personally doubt they would actually axe a series that has been so successful. This film manages to send scares as the previous ones, but the plot is very poor. The plot is never meant to be organised as Ju-On films never have an organised plot, but the plots used to be able to be arranged to get a fluid one which are at best logical and connected. This film seems to have very sloppy plots, with inconsistent storyline between characters. There are some scary moments that have been abused so much it is no longer scary. Some things are not explained, and some materialised without proper explanation or clear relation to any of its events, they gave the impression that their mere existence is to scare. This is a very disappointing finale, and is not really worth watching.

The best part of the film would be, quite funnily, a translation error. The little girl in the hospital, upon meeting Toshio, introduces herself by saying “我叫绘菜", but the Malay subtitle wrote it as "saya pesan sayuran campuran". Thank you for making me laugh while watching a horror movie!

Swadaya Marching Band - "Princess Mononoke"

I just have to share this, despite having done so. 

Swadaya Band performance this year has "Princess Mononoke" as its theme, and it is simply mind blowing. 

I just love it.

Mi4i

I've just changed a new smartphone a few weeks ago. With greatest and indescribable sadness I was forced to abandon my old phones due to its rapid deterioration in performance and its almost unsustainable operation and replace it with a new phone. Constrained by limited budget and yet crave for large phone storage, I eventually chose to buy Mi4i. It's newly released in Malaysia, and the price was RM749 so it was ok. After using it for a few weeks, it so far is great but the size is a bit too large to my liking. The speed and, ok well, everything else is great but there are two very disappointing features of the phone: it has no expandable storage meaning you are limited by the 16GB storage it offers, which could be quite good as I consider it as a tool to limit myself from using unnecessary apps that are mostly unhelpful and redundant, and the battery is bad. The battery is really bad, couldn't last more than one day even with minimum usage. I don't play games, I don't surf internet and I use very little social media websites, and it could last only a maximum of one day. The battery is a big let down. I therefore will say I am not recommending Mi4i to anyone who is not financially constrained. However, if money is tight, then yes it would be a decent phone - except the battery. But with low budget, asking for very quality features is simply a luxury.

Is Wealth Worth It?

Working as an intern (though an unofficial one) in a construction site basically exposes me to a group of Bangladeshi who are required to be on site constructing the building as instructed by civil engineers.

Civil engineers, at this stage, chiefly supervise, and ensure materials do come as scheduled, and pressed the suppliers should they fail to come.

Walking at site allow me to see a lot of things. While I can be there to watch how they actually construct a building, I too get to see how these group of people get along with each other.

I am a strong observant. In group interactions I am at most time an observant and listener than a participant. I observe how people interact, I like to read their body languages, eye contacts and I oddly take the effort to interpret from their sentences how they actually feel about their lives.

I'm a weirdo, as I mentioned earlier, I admit it.

This time being surrounded by Bangladeshi, I can't help but watch how their lives are. Sure, their lives are harsh, quite brutal actually, as they are constantly exposed to the merciless sun that could at times so scorching it actually burns your skin.

They have to carry loads so heavy their bones would most likely fail and deteriorate over time. They are exposed to such dirty environment I highly doubt their health is still in the pink. They operate machines that are so dangerous their lives are literally at stakes.

Their lives are harsh. They risk losing their lives.

But then, they get along with each other. In the process of constructing a building, they talk, they make joke with each other, they are actually enjoying each other's companionship. Their friendship bond, or the bonds between colleagues, appear robust.

Their conversations sound so cheerful I sometimes wonder whether I am indeed at a construction site.

They live without technologies and electronics. All they are capable of buying is a handphone that is now obsolete. They don't need great clothes - and they don't ask for one.

And I will tell you their salaries are almost twice higher than most of us. Believe me when I say these Bangladeshi earn a lot - up to possibly 4k a month. Yes, they are quite rich, though it's true they go through hurdles to earn them.

Simplicity sometimes is the key to happiness. I have seen people who are rich, but then they are not happy. With great things and great possessions come greater desire and thus greater demands. People become greedy and they want more.

If you have little, you learn to be satisfied and get by with what you have. If you have money to spend, you will crave for more, and you will most likely not be satisfied and you know you have the capabilities to get better.

I like simplicity. I like it. Wealth comes at the expense of happiness. With increasing wealth there goes happiness. It's bad. Unless you know how to control your money flow but life tells me majority of people go crazy with money. They have no self control to restrain themselves from abusing what they have.

Being simple is how I wanna live my life. Believe me when I say salary is not the utmost importance I will be seeking when I search for job. Sure - a decent one is needed to survive, but if the salary is sufficient to cover my cost of living, I won't become greedy to search for a higher one.

Believe me when I say so, I mean it. I want a simple life - away from materialism, close to sentimentalism.

Internship

Hi guys. Life is a bit lacklustre lately. What I am doing now is actually internship. I apply for early internship, one which the University is likely to refuse recognition as I did it on my own volition and not upon University's request, but nonetheless I did it on the sole purpose to gain early insights of how my future life would be. So far it's ok although the heat is unbearable at the beginning. Right now it's the construction phase and to say the truth there is nothing much to do once it has entered this phase as important calculations, safety measures and everything to be taken into consideration are all done before the construction begins. Right now I just go to the site, watch how they construct the building, and done. The great thing, or perhaps the sad one, is I'm basically left on my own. I do not need to report to anyone, follow anyone, help anyone or in any case work with anyone as I am literally told to 'explore the place myself'. I do not even need to clock in and I have no paperwork to do. I doubt they would even know if I don't go as I don't really see them too. Anyway, so far so good, will keep updating my own blog lest it dies off due to my laziness.

Semester Break

I am having my semester break right now.

So far my semester break has been eventful but something huge is coming, and right now I do not wish to divulge any of it.

It is something I am afraid of, but is something I cannot avoid (I could delay it, actually I intentionally bring it forward) and is something I do look forward to.

Will see how things turn up.

Minions Movie

I am a big fan of this yellow creatures and therefore when it was released I immediately went for the first slot available, and I even decided to watch it before I return to Penang since my flight departs at night. Minions could be considered a prequel to Despicable Me, and it very briefly shows how the minions first appeared, rather smoothly found their masters to serve (which basically is the sole purpose of their mere existence) and tragically lost all of them. Then after a long time they decide to travel to find a new master after momentarily gave up due to repeated failure to serve properly and found Scarlett Overkill. And so it goes on. The movie itself is rather entertaining though a bit dull if compared to Despicable Me but still it manages to give good laugh to the audience. Insertion of elements from the legendary King Arthur seems out of place and a bit absurd but at least the storyline flows well. The best part of the movie has got to be the part where one of the minions actually spoke "Terima kasih". To hear Malay being spoken in a Hollywood movie this big is simply jaw-dropping and everyone in the theatre was literally caught off guard. Overall, great movie!

Swadaya 2015

It's been a while since Sultanah Asma and Swadaya have a new show and that's why I was very looking forward to this year's marching band competition. Alas I couldn't watch the performance live so I have to dig for videos online as the only mean to watch their mesmerising performance.

This year Sultanah Asma did not emerge as Champion but Swadaya did, which I was rather surprised at the beginning but after watching the performance, I have to say Swadaya totally deserve it. While in my noobie opinion both do not differ much in quality, Swadaya's music captured me better than Sultanah Asma's.

After all, both are coached by the same coach, their quality would not differ much.

Well, for Sultanah Asma, sadly it has lost the attractive and mind-blowing quality since its Mulan. Its Mulan totally blew me off and I loved it and I till today am still watching it. It was a masterpiece so wonderfully orchestrated that led them to be the world champion in WCMSB 2011 and winning Sudler Shield Award. That was by far my most favourite's show.

On a side note I wish to say whoever organised Kuala Lumpur International Youth Marching Band Competition 2015 suck in doing so. No updates, no videos provided, and with only 5 bands competing, you call it international? Quite a shame.

Congratulations Swadaya and Sasband!

The End of Year 1 Semester 1

I have just finished my final exam and am currently a tad exhausted.

I will attempt to update my blog as soon as possible but I am taking a nap after days of insufficient sleep.

Good luck to those who are still having finals!

Recent Updates

Just to write a few words to ensure my blog doesn't die off.

My blog is one of the places where I deposit my soul to be retrieved and stored.

Recent days have been overwhelming, and I have been ridiculously hapless. There are so many things to do this semester. All of them come at once and the worst thing is they are still here and they are still coming even though my final exam is in 2 weeks. This makes my life miserable.

I got my laptop back last Friday but sadly on Saturday the same problem transpired. It appears that HP has not fixed my problem. They probably made the wrong diagnosis and fixed the wrong disease or they cured the symptoms but failed to eradicate the sickness. With greatest sadness I am resending my beloved laptop back to HP tomorrow and hopefully nothing more untoward incident would materialise as I would literally cry in front of all Gods prayed in Malaysia.

In 2 weeks time I would have finished my final exams. I am left with 5 days after my last paper in Kuching and I intend to spend that 5 days wisely by travelling to interesting places in Kuching, before I move on to other parts of Sarawak. Sarawak contains hidden beauty that are hard to reach, and I do not intend to let it stop me. I will be scavenging for some nice food as well, as most of the food I have taken in Kuching, sorry to say this, is rather bland and tasteless and simply beyond what I find acceptable to my liking. Sorry Sarawakians I am rather health conscious, your oily food (kolo mee) and saucey food (all sorts of chicken rice) doesn't suit me.

Until that day....

Question

There are certain times in your life that suck so much, you begin to question what's the purpose of your existence.

This semester really sucks for me and until I get myself away from this annoying quagmire I am stuck at I am unable to get restful or have a tad of peace.

I spoilt my 7 year old watch. A watch my uncle gave me when I was in form 3. A watch I fell in love on first sight and that I cared, literally doted with love, for 7 years and now it's spoilt and I can't repair it in Sarawak.

The few weeks later my laptop went haywire. I still don't know what went wrong and it's still being repair despite having sent it for repair for 2 weeks already. Now they tell me even KL don't have the parts and they need time to import the stock from overseas and I basically have to wait indefinitely although they have an expected date.

Then I fell sick. For quite long, about one week plus. At first I thought it was just tiredness, so I went only to a pharmacy. Then the symptoms persisted so I proceeded to a clinic. Took relevant drugs and finished the antibiotics but got worse. Whenever I lied down I would cough hard to the point it is a mere impossibility for me to lie down. I struggled whole night, didn't get proper sleep, so the next day morning I went to the clinic again, feeling beat. I was told the infection most likely moved down my respiratory tract, and I was given a stronger antibiotic.

I got better, luckily, but my nose allergy persisted and keep on producing mucous that seamlessly flow down to my throat, becoming phlegm and makes me throat itchy whole day and hence I cough all the time.

Then I just had my Mathematics test today and I screwed up my favourite and strongest subject. I made mistakes so stupid I now doubt my intelligence. I could forgive myself if it were other subjects, but Maths is a big no. Maths is my forte.

This semester sucks. It is ending in 3 weeks and I must say I cannot wait till the day comes. I will embrace it with love I will eradicate all hatred in the world.

Laptop In Repair

My laptop has gone haywire and is currently not functional and awaiting repair.

I am also right now busy with tons of assignments and projects that would end only next week.

So pardon me for being inactive for a while. It's time to disappear.

Money

There's one thing I want to say: I don't like to spend money unnecessarily before I have the independence and ability of earning them.

So don't tell me "it's only RM10", "the cup of coffee is RM12 it's 50% discount OMG" this sort of shits.

You can enjoy yourself and spend your money like there's no tomorrow. But the money I currently have are entrusted to me by my parents so that I could survive, not to spend them on these things.

You might argue, like other people, that why I make myself suffer by restricting myself this way. Well, in my opinion what you are doing is simply indulging yourself in materialism, a practice when, if you are devoid of money, is torturing to you.

I have incredibly thrifty way of being happy. I don't need to buy a cup of Starbucks to be happy.

You need to learn to enjoy being thrifty, then to jump into the disturbing bandwagon by splashing money unnecessarily.

Until you have the independence of earning your own money, you better listen to me.

Meghan Trainor Covers Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off"

Sorry guys, this lady easily beats Taylor Swift.

She might not have the appearance that attracts as much as Swift does, but she does have the voice to sing without using technology to manipulate her voice

Why I Studied Engineering Despite It Isn't My First Choice

I won't bother to deny Engineering is not my first choice when I considered to study a degree program. Why?

It all is because of interest.

Ironic isn't it. It appears that obviously Engineering ain't my first choice, and therefore it ain't my biggest interest, but why did I choose to study it instead of what I find interesting most?

Here's why.

My interest is in English and Maths, but I will tell why I decide to drop both by explaining only one.

You see. I like English. I like to write. I have been writing my blog since I ended PMR back in 2009 and till now I still write and I ain't stopping that momentum, simply because my love for writing is still burning hot.

Then why I do not wish to pursue my study in English?

Here's why.

If I pursue English, I have, in general, only two options: becoming a teacher, or a journalism (basically in the media).

Becoming a teacher is definitely not a route I want to walk. I know too much of this sick society to ever become a teacher (not referring to you, my students, this decision arises long before I taught you guys).

That means I left with only journalism.

I like to write. Journalists need to write a lot, and they get what they write to be read and commented by their readers. They even get awards.

I understand we have the freedom to speech. I exercise my freedom to speech, with caution, and with intensity. I have no fear in voicing my opinions, though I know the freedom to express does not necessarily indicate your expression gets to be heard, answered or responded.

But it doesn't matter.

What matters is the process in which journalists go through to get a report to be published.

To be journalist, you are often entrusted to report an issue you have no interest in simply because the public has the interest to know.

You write because it is what the public wants to read, you don't really get to write simply because you want to write it. That's just not how things work.

If I am asked to write something I do not like, or something I hate, or something I have zero knowledge on, to produce a quality report that is invincible by law and flawless, I have to do intense research and interviews to ensure what I will publish is academically correct and appropriate.

I have to call on people to read what I write. I have to record what people say to be rewritten.

I have to analyse what people say and try to rewrite them with my pitiable little knowledge on it.

And worse still I have deadlines to meet. I have no reference point to refer upon.

If I like doing what I like, I like to do it freely, to do it without responsibilities, to have no pressure and certainly to not be scrutinised that heavily.

If I am bound by responsibilities, I have people to answer to. I have a duty to serve. I take the mantle if what I report is wrong. On the other hand, it is incumbent upon me to properly deliver a message if I am required to, without mistakes.

That means, I am restricted in doing what I like.

When I have interest in doing something, I refuse, with every fibre of my being, to be bound by responsibilities, duties, time limits, and I will not allow myself to be stopped by criticism, or anything at all.

That would not be possible if I were to become a journalist.

Therefore, I cannot become one. And I ergo cannot study English.

After explaining this, I think it is suffice to explain why I do not want to study what I like best. Because studying it too much simply kills the interest.

It is a sad fact that people don't care about your interest, people care about whether you get your responsibility done.

Interest is best left to be performed at times you like. And done in the way you prefer to do.

While Engineering ain't my first choice, I don't hate it, I don't reject it, and frankly I think I am beginning to like it more than I did in previous years.

Perhaps a new found interest is not that bad.

But one thing I am sure, I cannot kill what I grow up liking: writing, and doing Maths.

That's why I studied a degree program that is my third choice.

And I would proudly say, I am not regretting my decision.

Barber's Rule?

Today I went for a haircut in a barber's shop at Kenyalang Park, Kuching, which is not very known to lots of people but is financially friendly.

When I went into the shop, I sat on the chair, and the young lady approached me. She looked new and nervous, probably because she is indeed new, and then I told her I want my hair pendek (short), but not botak (bald).

She seemed to understand but then her facial expression didn't convince me. So when she took out the machine (sorry I don't know what it's called) and asked the senior barber whether she should give number 2, I freaked out and interrupted her, insisting again I wish only to have short hair but not bald (number 2 is almost bald).

The senior barber said it was for side cut. And so I let up and let her did her job.

Then the senior barber took over.

She cut my hair, and then asked me to look into the mirror and asked whether it was right. I said yes.

And then she said something: “要记得这个是二号头har。剪头发要剪短旁边就要剪二号头。”.

I spoke to protest, intending to tell her I was only confirming that the newbie knew what I told her,

but then she kept on talking and with much more annoying tone showing her exasperation: "旁边就是要剪二号头，这样我们才能帮你剪短头发。如果不剪二号头，等下剪完了你再说不够短，我们又必须重新替你剪过。" And she went on and on with her lecture

When I heard that, I kept silent in response to show that I am annoyed. And I made sure the face of dissatisfaction was brightly displayed on my face.

First of all
1) As a customer, I have a right to confirm with the barber what kind of hair cut I want.

2) You as the service provider don't get to lecture your customer about what they inquire for.

3) If the customer deems your service is insufficient, it is your duty to perform till the customer is satisfied. That being said, if I deem that my hair is not short enough, it is your duty to make sure I get the hair cut I desire.

4) You're the service provider and you show me your annoyance and tell me I shouldn't tell you how to do a job, even though it's my hair you're cutting, because "you do not wanna repeat the procedure again"?

I have gone to the barber's for 21 years and this is the first time I met a barber who told me I couldn't tell them how I want my hair cut.

Seriously, what sh*t is this? For one thing I am sure, I am not returning to this shop.

Wiz Khalifa - See You Again

I am not a fan of Paul Walker though I know he was indeed a huge star. I didn't watch Fast and Furious so naturally I wasn't that emotionally devastated when he died. I was saddened by his death because his death was untimely, but I had no reason to feel like I had lost something meaningful in my life like lots of people did.

I still haven't watched a single Fast and Furious movie and perhaps I would start soon. But before that, this song, after being played on Fly fm, caught my attention.

I couldn't connect it to the movie but the lyrics of the songs is nice. It successfully evokes a nostalgic feeling and a rather sombre mood in my heart. It does make me feel like I have lost someone in my life and I am now pining for his companion again, although I have no close friends/families that are deceased.

Nice song.

Overwhelming Life

Right now I have 2 tests, 3 assignments, 2 projects and 2 labs to be completed and most are due next week. Some latest by week 8 (now's week 6). It's very overwhelming to me right at the moment and I have just too many things to focus.

For that reason I would keep my blog dormant until I am able to allocate sufficient time to continue updating my blog.

Quite A Shame

I think it's quite a shame that so many people in Malaysia is so unwilling to learn. Lots of coursemate (I'm taking engineering) shows no interest in learning. They only know to memorise the formulae and apply them, they don't bother about the theory of the knowledge, and they are not independent. They are not capable and show great resistance towards critical thinking.

As future engineers, surely this is not an encouraging attitude?

Come on, if you want to be an engineer, you need to be willing to think. Having no interest could be fine in my opinion, but showing great resistance is a big no.

Lots of people in Malaysia do not show interest in learning, which I find very sad, as Malaysia has the potential to be a successful and developed nation, but it's being dragged down and stopped by a multitude of reasons that should not exist.

GST

It's now April.

April 2015 is significant in Malaysian history as this is the month when Malaysia introduces new tax system - GST, in which majority of products are taxed and in such a way nobody can escape paying it.

Well, it's late and I need to hit the sack. But one thing I am sure is: Malaysian will start forking out money very differently beginning this month.

Laporan Peperiksaan STPM 2013

Read the reports released by MPM on STPM 2013.

Laporan Peperiksaan STPM 2013 Penggal 1

Laporan Peperiksaan STPM 2013 Penggal 2

Laporan Peperiksaan STPM 2013 Penggal 3

You can literally see how different is the first term and third term performance. Some papers in first term actually have an almost 50% failures.

Reading the comments by MPM and you will know MPM acknowledges that students are generally not prepared for first term exam (read the laporan on PA penggal 1).

Common mistakes made by candidates are highlighted in the report. Read the comments they made on the candidates answers and you'll know how stringent the marking scheme is and how much mistakes you have actually committed without knowing so far.

Read them. It's interesting.

R.I.P Lee Kuan Yew

Lee Kuan Yew, a man who was born to a world of chaos, and who subsequently tried his best to oust extremists and terrorists and eventually form a coalition in bid to form a safe and secure country. He had been vocal with his stance, and on that bumpy road he fell hard when Singapore was expelled from Malaysia. He stood up again, despite being violently beaten, and eventually transformed Singapore from a land of virtually nothing to one of the most vibrant and developed city in the world. He walked a road that is abundant of obstacles, but he succeeded. I couldn't imagine how I could traverse that path and yet survive unscathed. For that I would give him my utmost respect. Rest in Peace, Lee Kuan Yew, the founding father of Singapore.

Few quotes I love from the late Lee Kuan Yew:

1. "I am often accused of interfering in the private lives of citizens. Yes, if I did not, had I not done that, we wouldn't be here today. And I say without the slightest remorse, that we wouldn't be here, we would not have made economic progress, if we had not intervened on very personal matters - who your neighbour is, how you live, the noise you make, how you spit, or what language you use. We decide what is right. Never mind what the people think." - Lee Kuan Yew

2. "Mine is a very matter-of-fact approach to the problem. If you can select a population and they're educated and they're properly brought up, then you don't have to use too much of the stick because they would already have been trained. It's like with dogs. You train it in a proper way from small. It will know that it's got to leave, go outside to pee and to defaecate. No, we are not that kind of society. We had to train adult dogs who even today deliberately urinate in the lifts." - Lee Kuan Yew

3. "I started off believing all men were equal. I now know that's the most unlikely things ever to have been, because millions of years have passed over evolution, people have scattered across the face of this earth, been isolated from each other, developed independently, had different inter-mixture between races, people, climates, soils....I didn't start off with that knowledge, but by observation, reading, watching, arguing, asking, and then bullying my way to the top, that is the conclusion I've come to." - Lee Kuan Yew

Teenblue?

What does Teenblue mean?

Somebody asked me this question. Why did I name my blog "Teenblue"?

The reason is this: I was young and very naive when I created this blog. Upon creation of a blog I was required to name it.

It wasn't a rational decision. It was in fact a rash and random decision.

I was 15 when I created this blog, and I was a teen.

Then my favourite colour was blue (now's black, but blue is still top on my list).

Having these two thoughts in my mind first, I merged these two words and came out with the name "Teenblue".

This word that's coined from two other words is meaningful to me, and I have no intention to change it, even if my blog is still active years on, and I swear it would still be active.

Separation That Hurts

Recently some people have begun to feel the absence of friends and to begin to ponder why friends cease to contact each other after graduation. I think I have talked about this earlier but I guess it is inevitable such feeling would arise when one pines for a joy long lost and sadly gone.

It is my observation that only people who have travelled far to somewhere, alone, that feels this kind of hollowness. Some people fill the void by actively participating lots of events to ensure life is being lived with the maximum meaning possible while some decides to finally settle down but couldn't shake off the feeling that somewhere deep in your heart you know you are entirely alone in a foreign place with not a single familiar material or living beings surrounding you. Being alone in an alien place could be really intimidatingly lonely, especially when you feel lost, have no one to care upon or talk to, and such atmosphere is in nature oppressive and daunting.

But it has an advantage - it means you are by force, or by consent, out of your comfort zone and attempting to establish a new life in a new area. It is my belief that forcing oneself to leave its comfort zone, with no possible or easy routes to return, is the best way to gain a new experience, to be independent and to grow up. Because it is the first lesson of being thrown with one experience you despise but have to reluctantly undertake, and life's full of such events.

There are things in lives that suck but nonetheless we have to face and deal and ultimately solve. We have to at times begin to realise that we have to face things we do not wish or are not brave enough to face, and it's not because life sucks, but it's because we are adults, and we have responsibilities.

Adults like our parents lost their youth for reasons. They weren't born to this world old like we thought when we were still young and naive. It's time we begin to understand why.

Bahasa....Bahasa

Adik sini mahu belajar Bahasa Sarawak. Ada orang boleh ajar?

Sudah lama tak tulis dalam bahasa Malaysia, nak latih sikit nanti takut lupa semua. Memang tidak boleh dinafikan bahasa Malaysia sangat penting dalam Malaysia. Kalau bekerja di syarikat antarabangsa juga bahasa Malaysia akan digunakan.

Kalau tak digunakan pun bagusnya kalau kita semua boleh belajar bahasa yang lebih. Bahasa Malaysia kan bahasa kebangsaan? Walaupun saya tak biasa guna bahasa ini dalam kehidupan seharian (bahasa ibunda Mandarin dan English) tetapi saya suka juga Bahasa Malaysia. Saya suka bahasa sebenarnya kalau boleh saya ingin belajar bahasa yang lain juga. Tetapi tak ada peluang.

其实说真的学习语文课是我的兴趣。我觉得语文是个很神妙的东西。字，词就是这些，怎样组合它们，怎样用它们来表达一个讯息就看作者怎么写，就看作者的想象力多么好。所以我说我喜欢读故事书。

我曾想过到中国或台湾学习华文。台湾应用繁体字，而且据说他们不用汉语拼音，所以我想台湾不行。去到中国也好，可是想到那边的人礼貌上似乎有待改善，那儿网站几乎都被过滤，到了那边就和马来西亚失去联系（没有facebook/blog/youtube...），我在想如果我去那边三个月，我能生存吗？哈哈。

新加坡华文程度又没有马来西亚高。我看过他们高中华文，PMR/PT3都不如。到了先修班才学文言文。哈哈我想如果真的要学华文，马来西亚应该会比新加坡好。

But anyway language is my soul. Everybody writes by manipulating the words and sentences to a form that excites the reader. If I ever get a chance to be a language expert, I will grab it. Though, admittedly, this job prospect is worse than complete darkness in Malaysia. So I will forgo it.

Kuching Life

Kuching life so far is quite good. I won't say nice because I haven't got a chance to explore the city and thus have so far yet to experience or see its uniqueness.

Anyway, right now it's March and Kuching receives awfully lots of rain. It's almost raining every day, and even if not a single drop of water drops down, the sky is still cloudy and the wind is still nice. Unlike my hometown, Penang is ridiculously dry and scorching. Stand in the sun for half an hour without a fan and you'll die of dehydration.

Right now I still manage to observe some discrepancy between Kuching's Mandarin and Penang Mandarin. I have got more Sarawakian friends and Penangites too and the discrepancies become much more obvious. Till now I still don't understand why Sarawakians insist 学书 is a valid word and is grammatical and logical when in fact we say 读书. The term actually could be traced back to decades but Sarawakians insist their's correct. Haha it's indeed interesting.

For bottles, Sarawakians typically and normally say 水瓶 or 水壶 while Penangites say 水罐. Neither is wrong, just the preference is noticeable.

By the way everything in Kuching become much more expensive, and if the price retains then the quantity shrinks. Citing petrol price or Chinese New Year as excuses, I think. What about GST next month? Hmm....

Newspapers here remain interesting. The Star remains preposterously difficult to find or buy. The Borneo Post is nice but lacks articles while New Sarawak Tribune has articles but lack news, and entertainment. But I still prefer New Sarawak Tribune because articles is what I look for in a newspaper. Local and international news could be read online for free, while some articles can't.

Anyway, hopefully life in Kuching gets better and better.

Growing Up Is Not A Choice

You realise you have to grow up when you have lost so much and lost something you couldn't possibly regain them.

I do not know why this happens to me, but ever since I was in form 3, I knew one day secondary school will end, and I know by that time I would dearly miss my secondary school life. This single reason prompted me to study form 6 without even considering any other options out there. And so I did, extending my secondary school life for another one and a half year, before officially ending it for good.

Secondary school life, or a school life, is something that once you lost, you could not regain it. I love my secondary school life. It's a life with minimum responsibilities, with greatest and abundance of joy, and with guided journeys to walk.

With increasing freedom comes increasing responsibilities. Graduating secondary school life has its advantages but these come with a price I do not wish to pay for.

Two years on and I still pine for secondary school life. Can't blame me, I lost something I fear losing since many years ago, and it doesn't take short time to forget the wonderful times I had. I miss secondary school. I miss it a lot. And I miss all my friends.

To those of you still in secondary school, treasure your remaining days/years. You'll miss it.

Semester 2, Year 1

How I am doing? Fine so far, weather in Kuching is much better and less torturing than that in Penang.

Right now I want to complain about the courses I have.

Professional Engineering
Not bad. Nothing much to comment for now as I have not learned much. The hand-sketching is quite fun, can't comment yet on other aspects.

Structural Mechanics
Second worst lecturer in the universe is teaching us this ridiculously tough subject and I do not see how I am going to survive this semester. This lecturer exhibits no desire to learn, seems antisocial, afraid of crowds and do not know how to engage his audience in the sense that 1) he has no confidence in himself and constantly doubts himself thus making himself looks stupid in front of his students and 2) he is extremely monotonous and 3) his English is terrible.

I'm dead.

Engineering Mathematics 2
So far so good. My lecturer is from India and she speaks with a very strong Indian accent. It's still acceptable and I can still hear what she says so it's okay to me.

Material and Processes
Restudying Chemistry at the moment. Simply a revision of STPM annoying Physical Chemistry. Thankfully I am spared from all those annoying Equilibria and shape of molecules. But new stuffs are coming and I'll judge which is harder then. My guts is STPM is the toughest no matter what I am going to learn. New stuffs may be tough in the sense that the concept is more abstract but as long as you get the concept, you can ace everything. The problem with STPM is that the concept is easy but the questions are preposterous. And right now thinking of STPM still makes me shivers even though I am now in university.

MPU
Stupid subject. Not worth my time talking.

Bye. Gotta be busy.

Year 1, Sem 2

I am now back in Sarawak, ready for the commencement of new semester.

I have deliberated arranged my timetable so that I am extremely and ridiculously busy on Monday and Tuesday, and largely free on the other days.

I will have also a very busy semester because to maintain my current scholarship, I need to get a full 4.0.

So pardon me if I have been unaccounted for for a very long time.

That being said, it's time to get busy. Bye.

Optical Illusions?

No matter how I see it, I still see white and gold.

Apparently the world is split into two groups - the majority sees white and gold, while the minority sees black and white.

Science says it's blue and black, and various explanation has been formed but the gist is that it is our retina that is messing with us.

And that science was correct as the person who sees it first hand confirms it's blue and black.

I'm colour blind.

Uneventful

What exactly is the purpose of living?

I don't think anyone could actually give a definite answer to that.

Each individual needs to find a concrete answer to that question, so that each individual could live a fulfilling life one finds it worth a living. You only have a life, live it with meaning.

Mine? I've considered myself long past the need to feel accepted. A long of my friends give in to lots of things they do not like doing simply because they want to be a part of a community, or to try something fun.

I don't. When I say I do not want something, I am firm with my decision.

I know what I want and I know to stick to my decision without budging. Some people call it stubborn, I call it determined. Unless, of course, it affects other people. But if it's an individual call affecting only me, I rather call it determined.

I have long lost the feeling to explore. I now want only a stable life and to settle down and have a peaceful life.

I am a weirdo, and I know it, but I love it.

New Template

Hi guys!

I have installed a totally new template and this template is quite a huge change from what I have previously installed.

I will need time to explore the new properties and to make necessary adjustments to ensure it fits me. Haha I have very strict requirements when it comes to something personal.

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year!

新年

农历新年即将来临，就来个特别的贴吧！破个纪录用华文写篇短文章。

说真的我还真的是很久没用华文写文章了。自从2011年考完SPM后可以说我和华文已经一刀两断，两刀三段。。。无论如何华文仍是我的第一语言，怎么样都好都不能放弃使用。

到目前暂时没有什么新消息好分享。目前做完了工但是也暂时不想写感言。还很累，才喘了几口气。先让哥再休息吧！

明天是除夕。我家今年会过着很不寻常的农历新年。是好是坏也不知是不是好事。到时再决定吧！

先祝福大家农历新年，洋洋得意，学业蒸蒸日上，马到成功，身体健康，垃圾食物少吃些，注意健康！红包有多请分享，少的记得别跟我拿！感恩。

Sodomy II

I am glad I did not choose to study law, because judiciary in Malaysia is officially dead.

It is hardly surprising that the Federal Court ruled in favour of our government, because as far as I know, the Federal Court has never disappointed them.

It beats me to understand how Anwar, who was convicted of Sodomy but acquitted, would after a few months again sodomised Saiful in an apartment.

Nobody is that stupid to commit an offence like that when they know it is a political tool played by the ruling government to topple him.

I never have confidence in the Federal Court, and right now I see no reason why I ever should.

On February 10, 2015, the Federal Court finds Anwar guilty of sodomising Mohd Saiful, affirming the decision of the Court of Appeal.

Sending Anwar to gaol strengthens Pakatan, and it will unite Malaysians better.

Malaysians will rise, and Malaysia will improve. Justice may be extinct, but it will be resurrected.

To Love and To Hate

I won't bother to deny that being a teacher, you are bound to be hated by your students, and likewise there are students you are bound to hate.

I have students I hate - two of them, but they are the way they are because of family problems (family neglect, I presume) and therefore I just avoid them instead of attacking them. If it arises due to family problems I will refrain from meddling.

There was however one class I hate with every fibre of my being. I scolded that class many times for refusing to cooperate. Strictly speaking cooperation was not supposed to be allowed, when I shouldn't have tolerated with their refusal to abide by simple rule: do not disturb a lesson.

So I scolded them. So many times to one point I actually told them I do not like them. I didn't use the word 'hate', but I had the strongest urge to. Luckily I suppressed it from being spoken out.

And this year they accused me of practising double standard. They say I favoured the front class and didn't treat them well. In my defence, I was the form teacher of the front class, I am bound to favour the class over any classes. It's my class.

Secondly, they cooperated with me. They did not disturb my lesson. They handed in their home work in time. And they treated me well. In response, I reciprocate by treating them equally well.

The people who criticised me. Well, you did not cooperate with me. You constantly disturbed my lesson making me unable to have smooth lesson. You did not hand in my home work and only gave them in when I threatened to send you all to discipline. And you ignored my presence and treated the classroom as if it's yours when instead you are only given the classroom to have a proper lesson. I had continually said if you did not want to listen to my lessons, you are free to sleep in the class or do your work. My only condition in my class is to keep quiet and do not disturb my lecture. If you remain silent, I don't really care what you do. Kneading, drawing, whatever you like.

Tell me what reason I have to not love the front class more?

And you accuse me of double standard? Go reflect yourself, what makes you think you are not at all to be blamed?