Girlfriend?

Friends keep asking me what type of girl I like. Truth to be told, most of my friends I have in university already have a girlfriend, that makes me the odd one out as I remain single till date.

What type of girl I like? There's no particular one.

To understand why I have not got a girlfriend is complicated. It goes very deep into my personal life.

I come from a family background so broken and so hard I refuse to further elaborate on it. I grow up taking care my mum by forcing myself to be mature, and standing up for her against aggression and oppression she faced.

Not to say my dad is a bad guy. He doesn't abuse us, at least physically. He's just the kind of guy you cannot mix along very well, and thus his presence gave too much hurt. He loves me, he loves my mother and my family, but the way he does it, exacerbated by his own personality, it does much more harm to us than good.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. My dad is a victim of his own personality, but he is too aged to change. So my dad and mum, they have their troubles that sort of affected me.

Growing up taking care of a repeatedly and deeply injured mum, after so many years, just wear me out.

Emotionally, I am drained, I am beat. I can no longer have the desire to further protect another person.

I have no strength to try to love. Nor do I have any more strength to find someone else to care.

Emotionally, I am dead beat. 

I want a girlfriend like every boy does, but I have no ability to get one.

After so many years of protecting someone I love, I think I deserve to be taken care of, instead of taking care again.

I'll wait patiently for any girls who understand my predicament, and who is willing to take care of me.

But this is a preposterous requirement. So....

No. I won't go around looking for a girl. I'll just get along, and if I have feelings, I'll act. If I don't, I'll wait.

I'm just too emotionally tired, to initiate another relationship that will be filled with dramas.