Memories

It had been a boring day. I sat in my house, brooding and recalling anything that I thought deserved to be recalled.

Then I remembered when I was primary one, I cried during the first day of schooling. It was exceedingly embarassing. But I realised nobody was watching, and I sobbed and wet my clothes.

I remembered when I was primary two, a fierce teacher became my form teacher. I was scared. She was infamous for being good in snarling. I was trembling vigorously that I had almost shattered my spines. I endured that year with triumph. I did a great result and I was so happy I had forgotten almost everything, as thought as I was the only person in the class. This was the year I became a bespectacled boy.

I remembered when I was primary three, I passed a note while the exams was ongoing. I was caught in the act, and my teacher pinched my ears. I flushed, every pairs of eyes faced me and I lowered my head, again, I sobbed. Incidents happened. One of my friends broke his arm while skidding down the stairs. We were so shocked. His mother came to school, trying to look for the person who broke his arm. I wasn't involved, so I didn't care.

I remembered when I was primary four, one of my best friends burst out crying in the class. It was a tendency of him to cry when the class was in a chaotic situation. But as he grew, the tendency faded. I remembered there were few GSTT in school. We welcomed them, and some of us decided to play jokes. But of course, when the secrets leaked, we were yelled at. Then the GSTTs drew something on our classroom's corridor wall. We were so naive, we thought she wanted to embarass us. But no, she wasn't intending to do that. Whatever she drew is still there, after 7 years. The paints had worn off a little though, and when I see them, I remembered them.

I remembered when I was primary five, I was one of the school's badminton team. But I was eliminated after a battery of tests, because I didn't persevere. I wanted to say out loud how regretful I felt. If I had been given a chance I would have taken it. I mean it. I would really take the chance. But the impossible is the impossible.

I remembered when I was primary five, we began to use the new formats for UPSR. We were so horrified. We were so afraid that we couldn't do well, especially when we knew that we needed to score more than 49 to score A from BM and BC paper 2. And I remembered my Malay teacher was a slacker, and he gave me demerit marks (5 marks) for not doing his homework. I didn't shed a tear, although I was sad because it was the first time I had been given demerit points.

I remembered when I was primary six, my english sucked. My english was so bad that my teacher had practically given out. I couldn't even master simple english, particularly grammar. Then now, I wanted to say thank you to her, Mdm. Tan. I remembered we had tuitions after schooling, and one day, I fell because my chair was broken. Everybody stared at me and I felt.....so embarassed.

I remembered when I was primary six, one of my friends fractured his leg. I remembered it was someday before UPSR, almost near UPSR actually. He cried loudly, he cringed when we tried to touch his leg, he didn't want anybody to see him crying. He was then hospitalised. After recuperating at home, he came back to continue studying. Due to his leg's condition, we changed our class with 4M. I remembered some of us waited for his arrival early in the morning, and some of them helped him to our class.

I remembered when I was primary six, I got 7As for my UPSR. I was so delighted when I was told by one of my teachers. I got my result because it was released, and I felt so happy. There were only 12 in my primary school who got 7As, and I was, proudly, one of them. I felt so sorry for them who didn't get 7As. I knew some of them cried, but I couldn't do anything. I was helpless.

Then I went to SMJK Jit Sin, my current secondary school. Upon the first day I saw students and I was terrified. They were looking so huge in size, almost giant to me. I was the only person in my class, none of them were familiar to me. Impervious to the glares, I sat in a girls row. I remembered when some of my best friends finally successfully entered Jit Sin, I was elated and welcomed them like they were in my house. I was so happy. I got a satisfactory result, and I was happy.

I remembered when I was secondary two, I was one of the active members in PBSM. I wouldn't say I was hyperactive, because I had no interest in whatever activities that were conducted. I was in a class that suited me, and I passed the year with happiness. That was the year I chummed up with one of my best friends till now, LZJ. Then we seemed to have a silent fight. We didn't know what trigger it. We kept distances and silence within each other for practically half a year then miraculously, we began to talk and became friends again. What bugs me is......what caused us to break the friendship in the first place?? He was indifferent to me, and I was lackadaisical to him. It's all weird.

I remembered I was chosen to join the marching parade. Everybody was shocked, even the seniors. I was the last one joined the PBSM. It had been only 4 months, but they chose me to be the marker. I didn't consider myself to be pro, I considered myself to be lucky. My friends envied me, eugolised me for being so 'pro', but I tried to tell them there was no point to envy me because I did nothing that deserved this.

I remembered when I was secondary three, I was in the only class that had boys outnumbered girls. I was scared, many of them were unfamiliar to me. But then, as the time crept, everything went high. This class was so high, so great, so interesting that 20% of my happy memories were come from here. I remembered Derrick and Kai Zhe were the two boys I seldom talked to, something bordered us from reaching each other, and I didn't know what. Interest? Friends? Attitude? I didn't know. But then when the year end reached, I talked more to Derrick, treating him like how I treated others but still less to Kai Zhe, still somehow bordered. Why?

I remembered we used to paint the class together. We were painting the class, having paints painted our clothes, having paints coloured the floors, having pizzas as lunch. It was a great experience. I remembered my english teacher, TCS. She was the one that had impinged on me the most. She was the one that motivated me to improve my english, she was the one who made me felt interested to english. I saw the gap between my form two and form 3 english. I felt so indebted to her. Thank you teacher!

I remembered my science teacher, KTS, a person who loved to play with his students. Some of my friends did something that is normally perceived as belligerent or unorthodox. But he shrugged them off, or sometimes, played with them. I remembered in this class, I was talkative.

Now I'm secondary four, in a class quite.....ok. When I recalled what happened in the past, I feel nostalgic. Everything that happened made me feel sad, as though all the happiness are erased from the world. Whenever I remembered my past, I felt so pained, I felt so badly to go back to view what I was doing again, repeating the years without growing up.

But life goes on, it is irreversible. I always accept the truth, but when I recalled things like this, I wish I could go back to the past.