House: If I leave her alone can I have my carpet back?
Cuddy: No.
House: If I forget about my carpet can I have her?
House: Infectious or environmental. All we have to do is check out parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, prions, toxins, radiation, chemicals, or it's internet-porn related. I'll check the internet, You cover the rest of the stuff.
House: You can't bet when you know the answer beforehand.
Dr. Foreman: We could spend all day arguing whether you can bet when you know the answer beforehand. Give me the two hundred bucks.
Tritter: People who are innocent tend not to try to hide their arrest.
House: Is that based on your years of experience of arresting innocent people?
Dr. Cuddy: You blow stuff up, makes my life miserable, makes me need to make your life miserable.
Dr. Foreman: Doing nothing is not a plan, it is specifically a lack of plan.
Judge: Dr. Cuddy, what do you think of Dr. House? Is he as big a jerk as I think he is.
Dr. Cuddy: Bigger.
Dr. Foreman: You just don't want a cancer diagnosis because then you have to deal with Wilson.
House: Lung cancer is a lame diagnosis. Avoiding Wilson is an added bonus.
Dr. Foreman: If she wants to talk about the weather, talk about the weather. She wants normalcy. She wants to feel like the world didn't end. House: Yes. I will tell her everything that went on without her. Babies were born. People got married. Thousands of people celebrated the day she got raped as the happiest day of their lives.
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