House Quotes (2)

All quotes are taken from season 2. The last two quotes are pedagogical.

Stacy: I met Mark at a fundraiser that happened to be held at a.....
House: You met me at a strip club!
Stacy: You were the worst two dollars I ever spent!

Dr. Chase: No lesions, no aneurysms. Ironically, the mind of a killer looks completely normal.

House: Oxygen saturation is 94%. Check her heart.
Dr. Foreman: Her oxyge saturation is normal.
House: It's off by one percentage point.
Dr. Foreman: It's within range. It's normal.
House: If her DNA is off by one percentage point, she'd be a dolphin.

Dr. Cuddy: Dr. Sebastian Charles collapsed during a presentation at Stoia Tucker.
House: Really? Crushed under the weight of his own ego?

Sebastian: There's people dying in Africa of a disease that we cured over...
House: Ya, I know, I saw the concert. Seriously, let's say you sleep six hours, that means every night you kill 1,440 people. I guess you gotta get some sleep, but come on, if you'd stayed up for another 10 minutes you could have saved 40 lives. Do you send notes to the families in the morning? That's gonna take another 10 minutes so that's another 40 deaths, and another 40 notes...why don't you go wrack yourself with guilt in your own room?

House: The air is keeping him from breathing air. Let's go with that for the irony.

House: Livers are important, Cuddy. You can't live without it, hence the name.

Cuddy: You induced a migraine headache to a coma patient?
House: Gave him a little headache. Similar to the one you are giving me now.

House: I don't know people read e-mails. The delete button is so conveniently located.

Alex: I was passed out, but I wasn't. I knew what was going on, but I couldn't move or talk...
House: Yeah, sounds like a medical thing. It's called cataplexy. Catfight and cataplexy on the catwalk. Cool.

House: So I have to wonder what could be more humiliating when someone calls your girlfriend a cow and not being metaphorical.

House: Are you the boyfriend? I need to borrow you.
Barbara: What's going on?
House: Don't worry. I'll return him in roughly the same condition.

Dr. Cameron: I'll page Cuddy.
House: No you won't.
Dr. Cameron: She thinks the kid has a stomach ache!
House: She'll come right up here and do one of two things: If she agrees with me I don't need her; if she disagrees with me I don't want her.

House: I fear for the human race. A teenagers claims to be the voice of God and people with advanced degrees are listening.

House: God talks to him!
Dr. Chase: It's not psychosis, he's just religious, the only medical issue that showed up on the blood work is low sodium.
House: No, you talk to God, you are religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.

Dr. Foreman: I'm okay?
House: You breath stinks and you're peeing into a bag. What are our names?
Dr. Foreman: You did the biopsy? Thank you.
House: Names.
Dr. Foreman: Cameron, my dad, and the manipulative bastard.
House: You remembered!

House: She's my boss. If she gets sick the hospital might want to replace her. Especially if she dies. I'll have to learn how to manipulate someone new.

House: Idiots are fun -- no wonder every village wants one

House: How does someone who believes absolutely anything become a non-fiction writer?

House: So, what is she, Foreman? A light-skinned black chick or dark-skinned white chick?

Dr. Cameron: You just got shot, House. You need to rest.
House: I got shot. Diagnostically boring. Big fat tongue, on the other hand, endlessly entertaining.

Moriarty: You pretend to be a rebel; claim to hate rules, but all you do is substitue your own rules for society's. That's a nice simple rule: tell the blunt, honest truth in the starkest, darkest way; and what will be, will be; what will be, should be; and everyone else is a coward. But you're wrong. It's not cowardly to call someone an idiot. People are tactful and polite just because it's nice. They do it because they got an ounce of humility; because they know that they will make mistakes, and they know that their actions have consequences, and they know that those consequences are their fault. Why do you want so bad not to be human, House?

Moriarty: You think that the only truth that matters is the truth that can be measured. Good intentions don't count, what's in your heart doesn't count, caring doesn't count, that a man's life can't be measured by how many tears are shed when he dies. It's because you can't measure them. It's because you don't want to measure them. Doesn't mean it's not real. And even if I'm wrong, you're still miserable. Did you really think your life's purpose was to sacrifice yourself and get nothing in return? No. You believe there is not purpose to anything. Even the lives you save you dismiss. You turn the one decent thing in your life and you taint it, strip it of all meaning. You're miserable for nothing. I don't know why you'd want to live.