Be Considerate

I have a friend who is now in a dilemma. On a specific day, he has plans with his family, but then he received a call from his friends from other states asking to go to his house on that particular day. My friend wanted to reject them as he prioritises his family outing, but his friends told him they have bought the bus ticket. He is now in a dilemma, he needs to go out with his family, but then his friends are coming up and he has no choice but to entertain.

This actually angers me. Sometimes I just wish people could be a little considerate.

I understand friends are supposed to entertain each other, and that friends should care for each other. Brothers are a kind of friendship built as fort - it is to be defended and it resists attacks, and it suffers and enjoys together.

Yet there's one thing we need to remember: we have grown up. While we agree that friends are important, we have to remember something too: with increasing freedom, we have increasing responsibilities.

Everyone now has their own lives. Now, we have families we have to stay with. We have errands and jobs to do that hugely affect your future. We have lots of things that are important to tend to. We are no longer like a schoolchildren - free for most of the time, duty and responsibility free, and has nothing to worry about except transport and money.

We have grown up. We sometimes need to ditch the childish thought that says 'you must be available when I call'.

You need to be considerate and responsible. Don't put people in that kind of dilemma. You can't take for granted your friends could accompany you 24/7 just because they used to when you were in school.

Call if you want to drop by and visit if you are coming for far. Give someone an advanced notice.

If my friend so happened is sick, outstation, or is nursing a sick patient in his house, and his friends go to his house without giving advanced notice, or, if they do, give notice making an irreversible decision, what would happen to him? How would my friend feel if his friends say they have bought the bus ticket and they could no place to go, but then he has a sick grandparent at home that needs peace? What happens if my friend has a wedding ceremony to attend to, and his friends insist on coming anyway?

To people out there: please be considerate, don't put people into that kind of unnecessary dilemma. Soon, when some have got married and have children, they would have their wives/husbands and children to take care of. You can't instruct them to tend to you just because you are a friend.

You need to realise that you can't take friendship for granted.

You can ask for help if you are in deep trouble. For example, if you are coming up from Kajang but then your car broke down somewhere close to a friend's house at midnight, then disturbing him and asking for a favour is okay. You need help, it's necessary, and you should be helped.

If you got robbed and in a deep trouble and hope a friend nearby could help, and you go look for him unannounced is also okay. You need help.

But in the event like my friend's, you don't need help. Don't make this kind of irresponsible and inconsiderate moves.

And to my friends out there: there comes a time you need to learn to reject. Our lives have got much busier as we now have larger responsibilities, and so we could not cater to all friends' needs even if we wish to. We have to sometimes reject a friend's request if it is not important. You need to learn to reject something you could not help or if you feel offended or taken advantage of.

Growing up sucks, you can say. But that's life. Deal with the unpleasant.