Had I Made the Right Decision?

Someone once told me studying engineering is a mistake because my talent lies somewhere else and studying engineering suppresses it. Two years ago my interest and something I have a little talent on has been eroded and gradually being erased. It terrifies me that I'm taking something I have not much interest in precedent to what I actually like simply because I am preparing myself to survive in my future competitive world.

I'm someone who has an active soul. I resist man-made stuffs and that sadly is everything engineering is about. I hate cars, I don't like smartphones nor do I like computer games. I use a computer solely for its basic functions - I don't go for the elaborate features.

I instead like exploring the world, I like to know about people's lives. If someone is willing to regale me with their life experience, I am all ears and I listen intently. I like to walk down the streets looking at everywhere from food to souvenirs.When I go somewhere I don't go for the shopping malls, man-made parks and man-made entertainment centres like casino or theme parks. I walk on the streets and I try to find the difference between that place and my home.

I like to know other people's lifestyle and I want to know different cultures. The world is a huge place and my soul is keen to leave its presence every place where it doesn't call home.

My characters and dreams is the complete opposite of what engineering could offer. Engineering is about machinery that is lifeless and devoid of variety.

There will be a time when we question the decision we made to walk the path we are walking. I merely opt for Engineering simply because I see no desirable future had I chosen my first choice. So I don't get to regret it much, I made an informed choice after serious deliberation.

The good thing is that though I don't show much interest in it, I don't reject it so it's pretty much a neutral acceptance. At least I could get by Engineering without flunking it badly. But having no interest is actually a big issue. In this competitive world, simply being good at something is not sufficient - you have to go higher and go above others and you can only do that if you have the creativity to come out with what other people can't, and that require interest which I currently lack of. This shortage of me may cost me my life in the future.

In a few years I'll question the decision I made - whether societal dictates triumphs personal interests. You could say I bow down to the former because I care more about survival in this society, but is surviving in a society without doing the things that make you happy worth it? Doesn't that reduce us to an operating system equivalent to a machinery just like what engineering is all about?

I don't know, and for now, I won't know. Until I realise the true nature of my current predicament, I can only march on in doubts, battling the paradox engineering inserts in my life.