Who Am I?

Nobody knows who I really am, and I guess this applies to everyone. Nobody truly knows who you really are, and you're the only person who truly understand how your mind work and how your emotion goes. That is why when a catastrophe falls on you, everyone says you're the only person who can help yourself as you control your emotion, and if you're withdrawn it's simply impossible for anyone to approach you and minister to you, if you do not establish a connection between you and your confidant.

So who am I? I don't know. I haven't grasped on it yet. My mind is complicated, and I guess everyone else is also perplexing. There's no scientific way to actually unfold one's mind, and it's also impossible to analyse one's psychological state with psychological test that are inaccurate at best and preposterous at worst.

So how do my friends look at me?

- An extremely introverted person that occasionally sulk, or spend my time in a funk, or sometimes acting a little barmy or petulant. But generally I'm considered introverted and anti-social.

- A person who is intelligent because I do not attend tuition classes and yet have so far able to manage my result well enough to swim through an exam with satisfactory results.

- A person who rarely goes berserk but when I do, I become uncontrollable and is best avoid from.

- A person who is fraught with idiosyncrasy that is considered beyond the pale.

- A person who fails to follow the progress of technology and is lagging behind and unable to catch up with my palls who obviously have immense knowledge on the latest technology and are able to analyse the pros and cons of anything that hits the market.

The above statements are what I've learnt from my friends. They aren't my perception or written from my point of view. I'm sure that are many more negative traits I have and that nobody dares to tell me. I know I have, because I see them in me and I know I'm fraught with flaws that I'm so ashamed of and have been trying to solve but am yet unable to do so.

What are the bad traits I have that I believe nobody dares to tell me, but I realise them in me:

- Failing to cooperate with my friends because I prefer to be the one who is dominant and gives instruction, although I do not possess the capability to do so.

- A person who is hasty and occasionally foolhardy, and when I am overloaded I can't think clearly but yet still wish to solve a problem via route that will bring only harm than success.

- A person who, when disagrees with someone, will begin to split hair until a consensus is reached, and in most condition I wish him to agree with me, even if I know I have been the one who has been wrong.

- A person who is pig-headed and will rarely receive or appreciate opinions when I have made a firm decision and stated strongly I'll never change my sayings.

- A person who almost spoils everything that comes to my hand, and therefore many things in my possession are not longer in good shape.

- Easily rattle my friends' cage when I show distaste or dislike towards something I vehemently disagree or distaste, especially when it comes to a person whining about someone I regard stupid, morally wrong, or technology abusive.

- A person who seems incongruous in this century, where everything relates to the current trend is not part of  my life - or, in another way of saying, an interloper from another universe who is unable to assimilate well in this society.

So, how many have you had about me?

My SPM Result

*Updated on 09/03/2020* Hi, so I've noticed this post is still generating some traffic into my blog. While the content of this post may still hold true, it has been years since I sat for SPM (2011) and therefore there may have been changes of which I am not aware of. If you have doubts, I'll suggest you check with your school teacher and MOE, else I am more than willing to help, but please do take note my knowledge mostly ceased at 2011. But if you're here, it means you're looking about 1119 which most likely means you've just got your SPM results. Well, if that's the case, I just wish to congratulate you on your results! Trust me, SPM isn't everything. There's more down the road and there are so much more surprises, difficulties and, most importantly, excitement! So congratulations on your SPM results! It doesn't matter if you don't get a single A, or you've got all As, what matters if how you deal with your result and how you move on and face the next stage! Keep it up!

Updated on 3/3/15: I realise there is a sudden incoming audience in this post and upon checking the traffic source provided by Blogger I found out a lot came here after searching for "1119" and "GCE-O". In case you do not know what it is and googled it and google brought you here, well, I hope I can help a little. GCE 1119 English grade is simply your SPM English Essay marked by British standard. The grade you obtained is officially given based on British O-Level benchmark and is thus considered equivalent to GCE O-Level in the UK and Singapore, and it could be used to meet the English Language requirements of a lot of universities in the UK, Australia and New Zealand. If your SPM English is A+ but your GCE 1119 result is 6C, don't be surprised - it's normal. There is no known academic impact of the grade except it truly reflects your English level on international standard (although personally I doubt it is on par with British's standard). Hope it helps. 

FOR 1119 RELATED INFORMATION PLEASE GO HERE

After waiting for three months, here comes the announcement of the result. And honestly my result isn't extremely good, but not very bad either.

Here's it:

BAHASA MALAYSIA ----------> B+
BAHASA INGGERIS ----------> A+
PENDIDIKAN MORAL ----------> A
SEJARAH ----------> A+
MATHEMATICS ----------> A+
ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS ----------> A+
PHYSICS ----------> A+
CHEMISTRY ----------> A
BIOLOGY ----------> A
BAHASA CINA ----------> A-

1119 (GCE-O) ------> 1A

My Malay got B+ because of pusat problem that's too obvious to not notice. Almost everyone from the other pusat got A+ and A, and for some who are rather inferior in that subject got A- and B+ or below. But for my pusat, almost everyone got A- and B+, while those who are rather good got A, and a few, so far less than 10, actually obtained A+.

It's so obvious it's pusat problem.

But I've got no time to appeal or whine about it. As long as I got above C I have no problems in continuing to study form 6.

Chemistry is a shock too since I got only A. Never mind. I vow to get an A for my STPM.

Chinese is definitely a shock because I expect a B, but thank God I received an A-.

Moral.....I don't give a damn what I get. It's a useless subject and ergo the result is deemed useless too.

Well, I hope my STPM result will be better. =)

Three Months

Three months have gone. Well, almost gone. It is just incredible how I whine about how time creeps slowly in the 2 months after SPM, but now complain how fast the time moves after getting a job.

This 3 months are probably the turning point of our lives. The impact it has on us is huge as we all begin to separate and move our own ways.

Some have gone overseas to study, immense themselves in a different culture when their exposure to it leads them to a completely different world where they could experience things that are not found in Malaysia. Some may not have gone to a foreign country, but have begun to study A-Level in local colleges. They have started attending lectures, ploughing through thick books, burning the midnight oil endeavouring not to sleep in order to decipher lots of seemingly unfathomable questions. Some have begun to work, and are complaining the obnoxious treatment they received, the terrible encounters with their clients/customers, lamenting on how tiring their works are, or castigating their bosses for picking on them, observing them or breathing down their necks, or sharing the mirth they have, the experience they gain, et cetera.

For some people, they have just opened the door to the outside world, where their ignorance was immediately thrown away by the astonishing outside world, where nothing is as peaceful, easy or happy as it appears. For some, their worst fear was realised when they were forced to join PLKN, and they did reluctantly after going berserk for weeks, but then eventually came back with joy and kept sharing the happy memories they share with their friends they chummed up in the camp, singing about how happy they were and nothing could ever replace that extreme happiness in their lives, and the 3 months was the happiest time in their lives for the past 18 years. For some they have looked forward to it with great enthusiasm, and their wish finally came true when they first boarded the bus to their destination.

So how have you used your three months? Did you treasure it by doing what you ought to do? Did you use it to study so that your future will bring you to something that glares brilliantly in the new era that will be coming? Did you use it to experience something you never have possibly imagined to have, and then learnt something you know will come in handy in the future? Did you spend that three months gathering your past 17 years into a piece of work by collecting the tiny pieces of memories that are wildly scattered in your mind, so that when you intend to recollect the happy moments you are able to do so with ease? Or did you use the three months doing nothing, sitting at home watching the time ticks, playing computer games, or brooding or constantly sink deep into reverie where you let your imagination runs freely and imagine what is not going to happen in the actual world?

In this 3 months, what have you learnt? Have you learnt to be tolerable with unpleasant things? Have you learned to be autonomous in dealing with tricky situations? Have you realised what you love the most in your lives, and subsequently found what your interest actually lies at and have then discovered what you actually want to do? Have you undergone some mental growth after being challenged many times for things that you know you are incapable of doing but is unfortunately required to do? Have you received any great impacts in your live where your emotion is hit strongly with a force so strong your brain has nearly smashed? Have you found a treasure that has been hidden discreetly in your live and have finally uncovered it after a careful search and receiving guidance from someone who has washed you with love? Have you thought that the past three months was actually the greatest opportunity that hardly befalls anyone and you spend it at home doing what you like the most without having the slightest notion to move out of the house? Or have you experienced a great misery that has severely altered your life so much you feel the malevolence has critically obliterated your life into nought and that and the zeal and passion that burn intensely in you have been put out and you feel your life is only a piece of darkness that means nothing more in your life?

Recent Life

So how's your life recently? I do not know who you are, or whether I know you personally or not, or whether you are literate in English or not. I do not expect any response to this question, as a matter of fact, so let's just make it rhetorical.

My life has been quite meaningful, and perchance a bit joyful. Merriment have been enveloping me for these days, and so do grief, tension and profound anger that sometimes I boil so much I felt like I were a volcano about to explode at any moment. Having a job is not as fun as what most people think. While the notion that earning your own money - probably a huge sum of money - sounds extremely inviting and overwhelmingly interesting, the process of earning it is a pain in the ass. The routine itself is strong enough to nail you down to your last breath of your life.

And dealing with people outside? That's probably the worst thing you can imagine. You think having an articulate speech, tooling with your creativity and at times being an inveterate liar are all it takes to be a good businessman? You're so wrong. So don't blame others when they call you ignorant and innocent, because you are. I wouldn't regale you with what I've met and experienced first hand because it would entail a long story - or tirade.

I realise a lot of my friends have already begun their study. Some have gone to study A-Level, some have gone to NS. The period when everybody begins to walk their respective roads and do completely separate things together is probably one of the major transition in our lives. We no longer can gather easily. Setting a rendezvous has become a tall task. Some have even gone to other countries and will most probably settle in there, and this further aggravates everybody and severely lowers the probability to meet.

I like my job now, because through it I've found the interest that has been buried deep in my heart, and after several occasions I have managed to dig it up from the deep hole and after unveiling it, I have realised what I actually yearn for. The triumph I have for now is probably recognising my true interest.

Well, friends, SPM result is about to be released. I can visualise my result right now, thanks to my past bitter life before it. I hope I can meet you all there, for this is the precious time we congregate and share our recent lives together. After that day, having a gathering will be exceptionally tough for everybody has begun to separate and move away.

Form 6 New System - Confusion Surrounding It

There seems to be a multitudinous of confusion regarding the implementation of the modular system for STPM. I find these confusion beguiling at times. So, I'll try to answer the most common confusions that arose and hopefully it'll clear the doubts for any to-be-lower-6 students this year.

Q1: Is STPM scrapped? There's no more STPM?
No. STPM is not scrapped. Previously, form 6 students study for 1 and a half year, and then sit for a major exam that determines their fate. So, there's a huge risk they have to take and therefore the stress is enormous. Right now, STPM exam will be conducted three times, once in the end of each semester. The exam you'll sit at the end of each semesters is the STPM that will determine your future. Basically, it's A-Level administered by the Malaysian government.

Q2: Is The STPM Paper Set by School Teachers? Or Are The Papers Set By MPM?
The major written exams are set by MPM. The STPM paper you'll take at the end of each semesters are the same as students in the whole Malaysia. It' a common paper. But there'll be school-based assessments that all students have to take. It's something like PEKA but you won't be spoon-fed anymore. This assessments allocate approximately 20-40% of STPM.

Q3: Would STPM Still Be Recognised by Universities?
This is probably the biggest concern by all students who intend to take it. STPM's recognition will be unaffected. The new system of STPM resembles that of A-Level, and if STPM is un-recognised simply because it has used modular system, then A-Level would be deemed useless as well. Changing its system does no harm to its recognition.

Q4: The Syllabus Is Changed As Well. Would It Affect The Quality of STPM?
Unfortunately, this would be a rhetorical question for now. As the first year, we'll be the "experiments". If we are found to be performing exceedingly well after STPM, the recognition of STPM will be increased (although you can say its recognition for now is already close to maximum). On the other hand, if the students who undergo it are found to be useless, performing sub-standard and below average, then the recognition of STPM will be affected and its quality will be proved low. Universities will scrutinise students who undergo this new system and they won't immediately un-recognise its certificate and immediately call in a rubbish without looking at the result. If the students who undergo it are found to be extremely good, these universities would target these students for enrollment because they have financial advantage. So, lower 6 students this year, we better work hard or else our juniors will suffer.

Q5: Form 6 Begins In September? There'll Be Schooling In December?
No. I've seen this many times, and it's wrong. Just because it has taken a system that is similar to universities does not mean it'll also begin its enrollment in September. All universities around the world implements the semester-based system for their courses, and they have enrollments in almost all months. September intake is more common and most universities have intakes in this month, and this probably spawn the misconception that semester-based system simply means the first semester will begin in September. No!

Q6: Who Will Mark The Papers?
STPM papers will be sent to other states for marking while the school-based assessments will be assessed and graded by your subject teachers.

Q7: Can The Old Books Be Used?
Yes it can, for reference but not as textbooks. Even reference books for A-Level, AUSMAT, SAM, IB Diploma and Matriculation can be used for reference as the theories regarding the subjects will not be different for any courses. But you can't use them as textbooks because the arrangements are all out and the syllabus are not exactly similar. There are only three publishers that produce reference books for STPM: Longman, Oxford and Pelangi.

Q8: The New System Sounds Easy. Do You Think It's Good?
Things are not always as it appears. The system has not been implemented yet and the first batch of students have not begun their schooling, so I believe it's wrong and it's too soon to tell the new system is much easier. While you can argue that what you learn in the first semester can be forgotten when you proceed to the next, which means you simply memorise less for an exam, cramming 6 chapters into one semester and learning them in 5 months sound pretty tedious and time looks scarce for studying and revision. Without actually experiencing it and has first hand experience on its system, we can hardly conclude anything. It could be easier, it could be tougher. We'll just have to wait and see.

Updates: Time's very rush. You study way too much for half a year. The result for the first term is yet to release so nobody knows how we, the first batch, performed. But I conjecture that we had performed very badly. Four major concerns: syllabus too wide, marking scheme's too strict, questions too tough, and the time given for one exam paper is seriously not enough!!!!

Everything will probably be different once students are sent to Junior College. In future, form 6 will not be implemented in secondary schools anymore. All students who wish to study STPM will be sent to a Junior College, a specially selected secondary school that specialises in providing pre-university courses. I do not know which schools will be so haplessly chosen to be closed and re-organised for only form 6, but I guess we'll see. It was initially intended to be carried out this year (BM schools should go to Permatang Rawa, Penang should go to Haji Zainal Abidin), but due to administrative issues it'll be carried out in 2015 in Penang, at least that's what they planned. 

Q9: Is It True The Syllabus Has Become Narrower and The Quality Has Dropped?
For certain subjects, the syllabus does become narrower. For example: Chemistry. A lot of topics have been removed like Mixture of Two Inmiscible Liquid, Calculating Rate of Order by Integration and Chromatography. But these topics are removed because they are too specialised and should only be learnt as higher level. However, new chapters have been included too to replace the removed: Use of Dry Ice and Anomalous Behaviour of Beryllium, to name a few.

For certain subjects, the syllabus has actually become wider. Most notable subject would be Mathematics T, as many of the new topics are taken from Further.Maths T. For example: Maclaurin Series, Chi-squared Test, 3D Vector, Hypothesis Testing, Complex Number, Gaussian Elimination and Sampling and Estimation. Pengajian Am has increased in syllabus as well with the inclusion of new sub-topics like Sejarah Pembentukan Malaysia. But a part in Paper 2 has been removed, so I think both of them cancel out and the syllabus remains the same.

Nothing suggests the quality has dropped, but this question would remain rhetorical for the moment.

Third Stop

Third Stop was a school that had a reputation. Not a notorious one, but simply famous because it was a preferred choice of school for Chinese in that region which ultimately causes the race distribution of the school to be severely lopsided.

I was trying to acclimatise to the area. I went to a totally different location previous day, and the previous location left me a painful memory I wouldn't be able to shake off however hard I tried.

Third stop was average. The first time I worked there was the second day of the fair, and therefore a large crowd of people, after filling their wallets with enough money to buy their targeted books, swam into the hall and began to crowd certain sections and grab whatever they wanted and then they went on to the counter and paid for the books they swooned over so much I sometimes wondered why they loved the books that did not even look interesting in my eyes.

After the nemesis in SMK, this school was actually quite relaxing. The situation was under control, and at least not many people were attempting to swipe our produce. But I admitted I wanted to hightail it as being the check point was really a tedious job. And forsooth nobody wanted it.

And there was a group of students of the schools who joined us for almost the entire day. Yes, they played truant, and morally we should have reported the incident. But who cares? They were our clowns - entertainments, source of help and merriment. You could hardly resist these temptations.

The food in this school was also tasty, but the choices were quite limited. The price was extremely low, and thank God or else I would have to fork out a huge sum of money to pay for my lunch.

Nothing particularly interesting transpired these two days, but I'm still looking forward to any other book fairs.

Second Stop

The second stop was a nightmarish one. It was a school infamous for terrible disciplinary problems.

The students swam in in groups, and they began to be gravitated towards certain books they showed certain liking to. Imagine three classes of students, consist of about 100 students, packing a hall which wasn't very big. The noise they produced was obnoxious and it gave me splitting headache.

Stealing was one of the natural flair they had, so A told me to stand at the check point to ensure nobody got to steal anything. But yet, thieves were no nincompoops, if they wanted to steal something, they would come up with a plan.

And when they acted weird and looked guilty, I stared at them, and then they showed me the face, as if I was annoying them. Well, if you hadn't acted weirdly, why would I bother to stare at you?

This school, which I shall not name, was really horrible, and A, B, David and my friends all agreed. It's simply impossible to disagree when something was so bad you couldn't even use a less blunt word to describe it.